Hot to trot in three days

As a child I wanted my daughter, Bella, to enjoy some of the things I never had, including riding and skiing — both of which she loved and did well. But now that Bella could ride a horse, why couldn’t Mummy? I mean, wouldn’t it be nice to go for a hack together? Since Mummy is the kind of girl who has to take a pill and lie down at the very mention of participatory sport, this took some avoiding. I managed it for more than 20 years, but Nemesis eventually arrived and I agreed to learn to ride.

If you are going to meet your Nemesis, you may as well do it in style — at Gleneagles. I realised that pills and lying down were no more. This was it. I had three days and three lessons in Scotland’s premier resort hotel in which to become Pat Smythe. An immediate gin and tonic was required.

But there was little time to dwell on the matter once we arrived. Bidding the pool, the gardens and our seductive little balcony with its view of sun-kissed mountains and shimmering green golf courses a sad farewell, I was straight off to the Equestrian Centre, Bella prodding me all the way.

Naturally I arrived in my smart linen cut-offs and sandals to be introduced to the day’s first instructor, Carol, whose face registered all I ever needed to know about my wholly inappropriate appearance. This was going to be harder than she thought.

I was eventually persuaded into a pair of jodhpurs, proper boots and a nice black velvet-covered hat, and was introduced to my horse.

Now I’m very fond of horses. Black Beauty is seared into my soul. But they are very large creatures, and very knowing. My mount was called Gismo and between his experienced eye and Carol’s gimlet one, there was no hiding place. Gismo was a golden beauty — somewhere in his mid-teens and 16.3 hands too high. A mounting block was brought and I was given clear, firm instructions about stirrups and girths and bridles and positioning and the horse’s general anatomy and then — unbelievably — on I got. And what is more, I stayed on, which was even more miraculous. I don’t know whether Carol was genuine, but she made me feel as if I had won a gold. Just by getting up and staying on. This must be the eternal secret of good teaching — each small step is greeted as heroic.

Despite its grandeur, Gleneagles Hotel feels a safe place in which to make a fool of yourself. In its many guises — sporting, dining, pampering, et cetera — it seems so sure of its place in the pantheon of excellence that it has no need to be stuffy or pompous. There are two indoor arenas for riding. Mark Phillips, showjumping gold medallist, began the school, so its pedigree couldn’t be finer, yet a more relaxed place would be hard to find.

Relaxed, that is, apart from myself, of course, who was by now atop Gismo and looking down on the earth, which seemed a very long way away. Carol taught me to control Gismo with the bridle and my legs and — when he lapsed into bored reverie (and who could blame him? I mean, this horse had been all over the world eventing, and now this) — with my heels. Which for day one seemed to me pretty good.

The aim of these lessons was to teach me to mount a horse, stay on a horse, control a horse, ride with a rising trot and — more to the point — get off a horse safely. After my second lesson on the lunge and I had managed a rising trot, Diana, who runs the Equestrian Centre, took me off the lunge and let me try a grown-up rising trot. Which I managed. While Bella looked on. She was impressed. I was also impressed with Bella because thinking back, when I stuck her on a pony and she just got on with it, I had no idea how co-ordinated and skilful it was.

So — respect all round, then. It is rare and lovely music to the ears to hear the words: “Well done, Mum.”

Yesterday’s Houses by Mavis Cheek is published by Faber, priced £10.99

NEED TO KNOW

Short breaks at the Gleneagles Hotel (0800 704705, www.gleneagles.com) start at £410 per room per night, with breakfast, use of the Club facilities and one daily activity per person, such as 45 minutes’ riding. Other activities include golf lessons, clay pigeon shooting, falconry, off-road driving, fishing and beauty treatments at the spa.