BODY armour? No thanks, it’s uncomfortable. Police officers in Hampshire want permission to choose whether or not they need to wear the heavy protective kit in any particular situation, reports Police (Nov). Not likely — it’s mandatory. But, ever resourceful, they’ve found a way around the weight problem: tabloid newspapers. “Have you ever had to stand out trying to fight people (with body armour on)?” one neighbourhood patrol officer says. “There are 100 officers on my OCU (operational command unit) and some have . . . been known to take out the ceramic plates and put copies of The Sun newspaper down there.”
VILLAINS come in all shapes and sizes. But officers sent to investigate a crime in Kent were less than impressed to find the baddie in question was a cucumber, thrown by a school pupil at another child. Inspector Lee Harding, the officer sent to deal with cucumbergate, tells Police Review (24 Nov) that the force spends “so much time” dealing with minor crimes. And as well as wasting police time, these are inflating the force’s crime figures. But Jim Barker-McCardle, the deputy chief constable of the force, has a solution: “Possibly the adult complainant needs to be told very politely, ‘This is not a crime. Go away.’ ”