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Hero and villain

Hero...

EVEN better than the real thing? Sad singletons everywhere could soon be united with a cyber partner, courtesy of the British Heart Foundation’s virtual Valentine fundraising campaign. The charity has teamed up with Facebook to offer virtual boyfriends and girlfriends, reports PR Week (Feb 8). They will cost only a quid and just think what you’ll be saving – the inevitable heartache of having a real-life relationship. But even better – you will be healing real hearts. The expected £1 million proceeds will go towards the charity’s helpline and nurses. Now doesn’t that warm your (cyber) cockles?

...and villain

DICK DASTARDLY seems to be mentoring academics hungry to win the wacky race to boost their research profiles. Under the Research Excellence Framework, scientific research quality will be judged by the number of times colleagues mention the work. Sly techniques, reports Times Higher Education (Feb 7), include not citing anyone else’s work, no matter how relevant, not publishing in journals with low citation rates... and joining a citation club, a cartel for like-minded gameplayers. Another ratings booster is to use lots of colons in the paper’s title. Two is advisable, but overdo it and you end up with “colonic inflation”.