Depending on what time you read this, I will be in a church, on a bus or getting seriously involved with a bottle of chilled meursault. Later, as a direct result of the latter, I will be talking too much and gesticulating with gay abandon, before hitting the dancefloor, where I will throw shapes both unwise and undignified. I may well end the day getting all teary over the beauty of the bride, before disappearing into a corner with someone wildly inappropriate. Along the way, it is all too possible that some terrible canapé-related accident will befall my clothes. Thus will I celebrate the marriage of two of my favourite people.
I will be doing all of the above in 120mm Louboutin spikes and a hat (and a dress, obviously). This could be interesting if the flagstones at the church are as old, shiny and cracked as I suspect. Shooting up the aisle on my arse with my hat on backwards, in front of several ex-boyfriends, would be less than ideal, although an improvement on the last time I saw some of them, when I was in flat shoes, crippled from a knee injury, bald as a coot and wearing a wig. My, how the good times rolled in 2010.
It’s a shame hats are hardly ever worn at weddings any more. A decade ago, when I started going to weddings in earnest, they were pretty much de rigueur. Even at today’s smart London bash I’m guessing hat wearers will be in the minority. I’m slightly biased because, on the rare occasions I can find one big enough for my gigantic bonce, they tend to look pretty good on me, whereas some people just don’t suit them. So, if you do want a hat, what are your options?
If you’re looking for what I’d call a classic hat, ie, something with a brim, Rachel Trevor- Morgan is the answer. She makes hats for the Queen, no less, which, if nothing else, is a sign that she knows what she’s doing. I love the Italian straw picture hat with a ribbon (pictured), and the straw boater with a bow, but she does acres of styles, all of them gorgeous, so have a look at the website (prices from £300-£1,200; racheltrevormorgan.com).
For something trendy, Laird London has a huge selection of brilliant trilbies priced from £35 to £230, if you think you can carry one off (lairdlondon.co.uk). Keira Knightley is apparently a fan. Further down the high street, Topshop has a good, ever-changing selection of summery hats and Monsoon is doing excellent floppy straw ones for about 20 quid.
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Then there’s the Statement Hat option. Louis Mariette makes extraordinary confections – more a sculpture for the head than a mere hat, with butterflies, shells and jewels à gogo (ready-to-wear from £430, bespoke from £900; louismariette.co.uk). But he also does simple bridal headpieces, if you are in the market for such a thing, which today’s bride is not, because by the time you read this she will be married and I may or may not be in Casualty, with a broken ankle and a squashed hat.