Ed Balls may be the biggest name in light entertainment since Bruce Forsyth tap-danced off into retirement but he remains endearingly naive about showbiz terminology. Interviewed by Matt Forde for a Christmas special of his Political Party stage show, Balls recalled that during a photoshoot for Strictly Come Dancing he realised that his jacket needed smartening up and shouted: “Bring out the fluffer.” This caused consternation on set.
“Get me a fluffer,” Balls repeated, unaware that in the film industry a fluffer is someone employed to keep a male porn star primed between takes. “This is a pre-watershed show,” the producer told him. Balls explained, as the crew guffawed, that he only wanted the chap who gets dust off people’s coats with a roller.
“I had to go home and Google it,” he said. I wonder how he explained that to Yvette.
“A book is your greatest friend and will be there through death, divorce and desperation,” Gyles Brandreth told guests at an Oldie literary lunch this week, a demographic likely to agree with the sentiment. “A book lies on the pillow next to you without snoring,” he declared, adding: “It’s something on which I often reflect from the spare room.”
THAT WARM SCANDI FEELING
Along with “Brexit” and “alt-right” one of the words of 2016 is “hygge”, a Danish concept of cosiness that sparked a thousand features. No one really knows what it means, but the satirist Craig Brown had a go at a Private Eye event. “It’s the lovely warm feeling you get when you wrap up well and go stand in the freezing cold one morning in November,” he said, “and you think to yourself: ‘In only nine months’ time, we will all be able to enjoy the sun once more’.”
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Nick Brown, the Labour chief whip, has gone in for a nice bit of trolling with his Christmas card. The text is from Exodus 23:20 — “Behold, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way etc” — and the photo is the famous one of Boris Johnson hanging from a zip wire waving Union flags during the 2012 Olympics. “Lo! He comes with clowns descending,” as the carol goes.
SYMPATHY FOR THE MOGG
Sir Mick Jagger has reportedly named his newborn son Deveraux Octavian Basil. Is he trying to compete with Jacob Rees-Mogg, whose children’s names include Wulfric, Anselm, Pius and Alphege?
I expect that The Jagg’s next album will draw heavily on the influence of The Mogg. It will include such songs as Honky Tonk Nanny, Paint It Vermilion and Sympathy for the Devilled Kidneys.
TO THE MANOR PORN
With the government considering whether to privatise Channel 4, Geoff Brownlee, a former executive at Yorkshire Television, told me of a visit that the Duke of Edinburgh made to the studios of the ITV franchise many years ago. Brownlee told the duke that as well as facing competition from the BBC, they had to keep an eye on the new Channel 4. “What do they do?” Prince Philip asked. Brownlee explained that its output could be a bit near the knuckle and that Michael Grade, Channel 4’s chief executive at the time, had been dubbed “pornographer in chief”. At this the duke took interest. “Really?” he said. “And can we get it at Sandringham?”
