Today the shortlist is announced for the Roald Dahl Funny Prize, an award for the most hilarious children’s authors. To celebrate, Young Times wants to read your funny stories. The writer of the most side-splitting tale will receive tickets to the Roald Dahl Funny Prize award ceremony and have his or her story printed in Young Times. If you need some inspiration, here is an exclusive extract from the new Mr Gum book byAndy Stanton (pictured right), What’s for Dinner, Mr Gum?
Another lonely night down at the butcher’s. The flies buzzed lazily through the murk. Billy sat with his feet on the counter, staring up at the clock.
Seven o’clock.
Seven thirty.
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Eight o’clock.
“Well,” Billy sighed as the evening wore on and the last fly had gone to bed. “Looks like Mr Gum ain’t comin’ in tonight neither, the lousy, stinkin’ good-for-nothin’ — hey, there he is!” he cried suddenly. “Me best pal in the whole wide world what I’d never say a bad word about! He’s back! I knew he wouldn’t let me down!”
And yes! There was Mr Gum now, creeping along the high street in his hobnail boots. His big red beard blazed like a beacon in the twilight. His bloodshot eyes darted cunningly around, looking for trouble. His dusty jacket flapped out behind him like a bad wizard’s cloak. And he was licking his lips greedily. He wanted the scoffs.
“An’ I’m the one to give him them,” grinned Billy. “I’m gonna feed him up like a champion! Everythin’s back to normal.”
But that’s where Billy was wrong. Mr Gum walked straight past Billy William the Third’s Right Royal Meats. He crossed over the road, kicked a beer can at a nightingale and disappeared around the corner.
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Billy slunk out of the butcher’s shop. Taking care to keep to the shadows and to not yell out things like “HEY, MR GUM! I’M FOLLOWING YOU!”, Billy crept after his horrible old pal.
“Shabba me whiskers!” he heard Mr Gum mutter up ahead. “I’m gonna be late for me dinner!”
“Oho!” Billy nodded to himself. “Late for dinner, is it? I knew he was up to something!”
© 2009 Andy Stanton, from What’s for Dinner, Mr Gum? published by Egmont UK Ltd, available in bookshops from November 2009.
Andy’s top tips for funny writing
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1. Write what you think is funny. If it makes you laugh, chances are it may make someone else giggle, too. Whenever a funny idea pops into your head, write it down in a notebook.
2. Find funny ways to describe things. Instead of saying “Tony had a headache”, say “Tony felt like a small elf was jumping repeatedly up and down on his forehead”.
3. Eat lots of sweets before you start writing. All that sugar will fill your head full of crazy ideas. Don’t tell your parents I said that.
How to Enter
E-mail your 400-word story to youngtimes@thetimes.co.uk by Monday, September 28. Include your name and age. You must be 16 or under to enter. Four runners-up will receive a set of books. The Roald Dahl Funny Prize is run by Booktrust, booktrust.org.uk