George Osborne has proposed that our tax statements contain a pie chart showing how much of our income has been taken to pay for the NHS, defence, welfare and so on, but we are concerned about the slice of pie marked “other”. What on earth could Mr Osborne be spending this on?
£20 Olympic opening and closing ceremonies. Chas and Dave don’t come cheap.
£12 Paying for our Waste Czar and his 120 members of staff to take a fact-finding mission to the Bahamas to find ways in which we can trim the budget.
£9.99 That thing we don’t want you to know about in the aircraft hangar off the M1.
£7.85 Police protection of Tory MPs in the Commons bar from “Mad Dog” Eric Joyce.
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£6.25 Taunting the French.
£3.20 Framed portraits of Mr Lansley to be sent to every hospital after such huge demand from NHS workers for us to hand them the Health Secretary’s head.
£2.50 Your share of that ping-pong table we gave Barack Obama. (When we offered a lifetime supply of balls we didn’t realise how many he was going to tread on.) £1 Each-way bet on Kauto Star for the Cheltenham Gold Cup, also known as Mr Osborne’s Plan B.
15p Airbrushing. No, not old Bullingdon Club images — this is to cover that bald spot in official photos of the PM.