SVEN MUST HAVE NEGLECTED TO PAY tribute to one of those strict Nordic gods. But instead of cursing Eriksson himself, Thor has done a still crueller thing and cursed the England strikers. I can only assume that Eriksson was never informed of this curse, otherwise he might have more than a 17-year-old up his sleeve.
The England A-Force, the striking pair of choice, is Michael Owen and Wayne Rooney. Last night, they started together for the first time at this World Cup. In fact, it was the first time they had played together in a football match since England played Argentina last November. Both of them have been metatarsaled, Owen’s an older and far more stubborn injury than Rooney’s.
They hadn’t played before at this World Cup because when Rooney came on in the previous match, against Trinidad & Tobago, it was as a substitute for Owen. So the whistle blew and at last they were together again. Now England’s World Cup could start.
It lasted about 50 seconds and then Thor struck again. There really is no other explanation for it. Owen’s legs went all funny, as if a fellow Hogwarts pupil had played a silly trick on him. Last time I saw that happen, it was with a day-old foal. Down Owen went, in some pain, actually crawling off the pitch, and he was taken away on a stretcher. Twisted knee, which could mean anything.
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Time, then, for the England B-Force, which means Peter Crouch. He ran beaming on to the pitch, towering over everybody, looking like a nice school teacher who was about to join in a kickabout with the fourth form. Crouch has had so much playing time for England since the curse first struck that you wonder what on earth fate has in store for him.
Certainly, circumstances keep throwing him on to the pitch. What curious plans has fate got for him? Is it possible that there are perverse schemes to turn him into the most unlikely-looking hero since Nobby Stiles? True, he has none of the seize-the-day qualities that great strikers have, but the days have rather a knack of seizing him.
Last season, he was a national laughing stock for his inability to score for Liverpool, his club. Now he has an England hat-trick to his name — admittedly against Jamaica — and a World Cup goal before he came on last night. He’s the man that stuff keeps happening to. He may not be the greatest forward the world has ever seen — but then for most of his life neither was Geoff Hurst. The first rule of a striker’s life is being there and, like it or not, Crouch is there.
But is he really the best strike-partner for Rooney? I am reminded of Peter Fleming, the doubles partner of John McEnroe. When asked to name the world’s best doubles team, he answered: “McEnroe and anybody.” That, I suspect, is the key to England’s real A-force: Rooney and anybody.
Lord, it was good to see him back. There was Rooney actually starting a match and rampaging about the pitch as if he had never heard the word metatarsal. He looked as if the thought of injury and pain had never occurred to him. He plays with such force of personality that it makes better players of all those around him, including — or, if you prefer, even — Crouch.
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Rooney demands the attention. This is true for spectators, it is is true for those playing. You are always — players and spectators both — expecting something to happen. This keys up the England attackers and it sets the defenders nerves on edge. They are so concerned about what Rooney might do that the rest of the team get that extra nanosecond of time, extra micron of space. Small things that add up.
There was menace in everything England did in the first half and if it centred upon Rooney, it spread pretty far from him as well. Perhaps Rooney should be awarded an assist for Joe Cole’s wonderful goal because it was scored as a result of Rooney-inspired menace.
But further questions about the England strike-force had to be asked after England foolishly conceded a goal at a corner after the break. The best 45 minutes that England have played at this tournament was at once turned into the usual angst-ridden performance that we associate so much with England.
They needed to refind the first-half swagger and you can’t swagger without a goal. England needed the forwards to deliver and it wasn’t happening. Rooney, clearly tiring, came off, to leave England with Crouch in front of five midfield players — the C-Force, no doubt. And it worked well enough, in the end, Steven Gerrard coming off the bench to score a late goal, even if England did concede a still later equaliser.
England, it seems, have four strikers. One is injured, one is three-quarters fit at best, one is 17 and one is Peter Crouch. England got away with it, just about, on a night when a draw suited both teams. But this is the point at which the tournament ceases to be forgiving.
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OWEN’S DIARY OF DISASTER
Dec 31: Fractures metatarsal in right foot
Jan 4: Pin is inserted into right foot
Feb 4: Begins rehabilitation on exercise bike
March 24: Has surgery to tighten screw
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April 13: Begins light training
April 29: Comes on as substitute for Newcastle United away to Birmingham City
May 25: Captains England B against Belarus
May 29: Has scan on tight thigh muscle
June 3: Scores in 6-0 win against Jamaica
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June 10: Substituted after 56 minutes in 1-0 victory over Paraguay
June 15: Substituted after 58 minutes in 2-0 win against Trinidad & Tobago
June 20: Stretchered off against Sweden
GARY JACOB