We need to locate these rascals immediately. They should be brought back home and given the task of solving world peace, putting a stop to global warming and finding a sensible leader for the Liberal Democrats. If they are not only able to work out the French bureaucratic system but actually defraud it, they must be incredibly bright.
Getting my family registered on the social security system here was one of the toughest things I have ever done. It was worse than childbirth. I must have visited the local social security office 30 times. Each time, I was rebuffed and told I needed some piece of paper I didn’t have.
According to former UN secretary-general Boutros Boutros-Ghali, “the best way to deal with bureaucrats is with stealth and sudden violence.” So I picked a day when the children were particularly hellish and took them to the social security office, along with my file of papers. This had the desired effect.
Getting a residents’ permit or carte de séjour (which I’m delighted to say you don’t need anymore) was almost as bad. They asked me for things such as a birth certificate with both my parents’ names on. This was bad enough, but it then had to be translated by an officially approved translator.
I have failed in the task of getting a family railcard that would entitle me to half-price first-class tickets. For this you need a family record book called a livret de famille. I asked a bureaucrat at the relevant authority where I could get such a thing.
Advertisement
“You have to have been married in France,” he told me.
“Is there nothing I can do?” I asked.
“Yes,” he replied. “You can marry a Frenchman.” Seems a little excessive for the sake of a railcard.
There is no end to the French thirst for useless bits of paper. I sometimes worry the whole country will collapse into the sea under the weight of them all. Just last week, I called my bank to ask for its Swift code. This is a code that enables people to send you money from bank accounts abroad. For once, someone was keen to send me some cash, but they needed the right code. This proved more difficult to get hold of than earning the money in the first place. I spoke to about five people, none of whom had any idea what I was talking about. Finally, a woman came on the phone and asked if I could send them a fax with my request. Er, actually, no. “Try this for an idea,” I said. “Go and find out the number and tell me it now, while I’m on the phone. I can wait.”
French bureaucrats are nothing if not intransigent, so imagine my surprise when the woman actually did as I asked.
Advertisement
But you can never take your eyes off these French paper-pushers. Just as you’ve got one thing under control, they spring a new surprise on you. The latest is that you have to be registered with a doctor if you want to be fully reimbursed for the cost of house calls. To register, you have to fill in a form stating who your preferred doctor for treatment will be. Previously, you could take your pick of any of the quacks in the region. If one told you to cut down on your drinking, you could visit a different one for a second opinion. Of course, you can still do this, but the money you get back will be less than if you go to your chosen doctor.
If, like me, you have ignored this latest bureaucratic development, all you need to do is visit www.ameli.fr and download the snappily entitled déclaration de choix du médecin traitant form. Needless to say, I haven’t done it yet.
End of notaire monopoly
Advertisement
The European Competition Authorities are looking into the monopoly that French notaires have in all property purchases. At the moment, notaires need to be of French nationality, and any property purchase involves giving them a percentage that is set by the government. The EU is pushing for a liberalisation of the market. But, says Dawn Alderson from Russell-Cooke Solicitors, it will not necessarily mean that buying property will get any cheaper.
“What you have to remember is that at the moment, notaires take a percentage of the purchase price,” Alderson says. “This is bad news if you are buying a very expensive property, but if you are buying for about £200,000, say, then you will almost certainly get better value from a notaire than you would a lawyer.”
In addition, if you share your notaire with the vendor, you split the cost — although some would say this isn’t a good idea as the notaire will not necessarily be working in your best interests if he or she is working for two clients.
Advertisement
Breakdown cover
I have had several letters asking about breakdown cover in France. If you are resident in the UK and your vehicle is UK-registered and insured, then you can get AA cover in France from £10.90 a day. For more information, call 0800 085 2840, or go to www. theaa.com and click on European Breakdown. If your vehicle is French-registered and insured, you need to get something called Europ Assistance from a France-based company such as Bacchus Insurance. For more information, call 00 33 545 824 293, or e-mail insure@bacchus-insurance.com
More France Please, We’re British by Helena Frith Powell is available at The Sunday Times Books First price of £9.49, with free UK p&p, on 0870 165 8585 or www.timesonline.co.uk