IN ONE of his more creative moments, Francesco Totti suggested the player caught spitting at Christian Poulsen on Wednesday was not his true self. Italy’s best player was trying to pass the buck in a manner not seen since Diego Maradona was in his pomp. Yet this was worse. Celestial handballs are one thing, but the sputum of God is hard to swallow.
Why did Totti do it? Spit happens. Footballers can barely get through a national anthem before they hawk back and think of England. In these pages last year, Tony Cascarino suggested it was the result of the salty taste players often get in their mouths, but that scarcely explains why Brian McClair, the former Manchester United player, spent his career losing his battle with his sinuses.
Although spitting in public is the norm in many Latin countries, the cultural excuse founders because even the most nasally-fixated nations frown upon targeting others. In football it is the ultimate sneaky weapon. Given we know footballers’ favoured misdemeanours include roasting, dogging and listening to Phil Collins, it should perhaps come as no surprise that some players succumb to the urge.
In Britain, we find spitting disgusting because it has never been accepted. Punks appropriated it as a sign of affection after Rat Scabies, a famous drummer, let one fly at a fan, but it never crossed into the mainstream. Yet it is only the threat of Sars that has stopped the practice in China, while in ancient Egypt, the bisexual god, Atum, is said to have spat out a son representing the principles of life.
So blame McClair, The Damned or even salt and vinegar crisps. The sad truth is this is unlikely to be the last of the spitting spats.
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Gift of the gob: five instances of world-class spitting
1. Frank Rijkaard: The Holland defender twice spat at Rudi Völler during a World Cup encounter in the 1990 World Cup, contriving to get both of them sent off.
2. Sinisa Mihajlovic: Lazio’s sinister defender received an eight-game ban for spitting at Adrian Mutu during a Champions League game against Chelsea last November.
3. Patrick Vieira: On a bad day in 1999, Vieira spat at Neil Ruddock, of West Ham United, was sent off for two bookable offences and had an altercation with a policeman.
4. Stephane Henchoz: Neil Warnock, the Sheffield United manager, erupted when Henchoz spat on the ground near him after the League Cup semi-final at Anfield last year.
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5. Hungary: Wales players complained that they were continually spat upon during a match in Budapest in April. In mitigation, Laszlo Bodnar, a defender, claimed that Robbie Savage had questioned the size of his manhood.