You have one minute to tell me everything you know about Finland.
I know how to spell it.
What a towering intellect you are. Anything else?
No.
How about the president, Sauli Niinisto, who has just been elected for a second term?
Goodness. What could be more exciting than a Finnish president’s second term?
His first term.
Look, if the only thing I know about Finland is how to spell it, do you really think I’m going to know anything about Sauli Niinisto?
Actually it’s his dog we’re interested in. He’s called Lennu and he stole the show in the first term.
Stole it from whom? Was the competition stiff?
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Don’t be rude. Niinisto is doubtless more charismatic than he looks, and Finland is a beautiful country with charming people
You’ve never been, have you?
No. Shut up. I know about Lennu and he’s a Boston terrier with a smile like the Joker from Batman. He has been known to perch on his master’s shoulder at official events and eat diplomatic gifts. In Finland he’s a star.
Quantify that, please.
A picture of him being scolded by his master was shared more than 50,000 times and liked almost 150,000 times. A famous café in central Helsinki has created a Lennu cake, complete with cheeky smile and lolling red tongue.
Well that clinches it, doesn’t it? You know you’ve made it when your face is on a cake.
Quite so. Sadly, Lennu has been largely absent from the recent election thanks to a nasty bout of dog flu.
Is that like man flu?
How should I know? Do I look like a vet?
Whatever. There’s only ever been one first dog for me, and that was Bo, the Obamas’ Portuguese water dog, with his big furry face and his big furry paws and . . .
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Yes, yes, I get the picture. Bo was big and furry, Lennu isn’t, but it’s his face on the cake. Deal with it.
Hilary Rose