In recent years, he has presented The Panel on RTE2, the panel show Mock the Week on BBC2 and a chat show, Turn Back Time, also on BBC2, along with guest appearances as host of Have I Got News for You. He continues to do stand-up comedy and his show at the Edinburgh festival this year — his eighth consecutive appearance there — was the biggest-selling solo show of the festival.
Earlier this year, he completed a sellout tour of Ireland and Britain and has just released a DVD of the final two performances in London — Dara O Briain Live at the Theatre Royal.
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How much money do you normally have in your wallet and do you carry anything unusual or sentimental in it?
I never have cash in my wallet at any time — so take that, you brigands and banditos, you’ll get nothing from me. Instead I carry around months and months of receipts. Really I need a mugger who can file my Vat returns.
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What was your first job and how much were you paid?
I delivered freesheets to housing estates — 625 free newspapers, which was three days’ work and all for IR£20 (about €25.40). It’s the kind of thing the UN would kick off about these days. Later I worked in a supermarket for IR£1.68 per hour (Quinnsworth, if you must know) and the second roughest pub in Bray for IR£15 a night. Some sentimentalists regard these as the happiest days of your life. I hate those pricks, much like I hated that supermarket, and that pub.
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Have you ever been really hard-up or broke?
I wasn’t particularly flush as a student, but that was to be expected, I suppose. We once spent a summer in America sleeping on mattresses we stole from skips. It didn’t feel like a low point at the time, though.
At home, I always blagged a bit of work here or there, a grant now and again, that sort of thing. What kept me going most of the time were cash debates. In an effort to entice talent, the college debating societies would offer money for the best speaker. So, armed with a few gags, I’d make IR£100 talking shite on the issues of the day, such as “That this house would invade Iraq” or whatever.
I once won IR£150 at a feminism debate I hadn’t even attended. I went to a lecture instead and just breezed into the debate before the end, banged out a couple of laughs and pocketed the cash. Those crazy chicks were livid, let me tell you.
The most I made for one speech was £600 (€890). Seven minutes for £600. And in that moment, a terrible beauty was born. I’m still talking shite, for cash, to this day.
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Do you own property and would you consider investing in the property market now?
I held on to my first ever flat in London and some junior lawyer is living there now. I have no idea if this is making me any money as the lawyer likes to get everything repaired at least four times a year, and if the constant repairs wear something out, he gets it replaced.
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The high point of all this was when I received a bill for the repair of the bed. Not my fault, surely, I was about to argue, until I remembered that I had rented the flat out unfurnished. That’s quite impressive, getting me to repair a bed I didn’t even own. I take solace in the fact that my tenant is clearly going to be one hot lawyer someday.
What do you invest in and do you consider yourself a risk-taker?
Oh, you know, fine wine, art, rare books, rare art books, paintings of fine wine, rare books about paintings of wine, all the usual stuff. I did contemplate more traditional investments until I rang a friend who worked in finance. His grim prognosis stopped just short of “buy canned goods”. So I think I’ll try to pay off the mortgage first.
What has been your worst investment?
I once joined a greyhound syndicate with some journalists, barristers and the business editor of The Sunday Times (Ireland). We have owned six dogs so far, with one victory in total, in the last seven years. Instead we have just bled cash, and there’s no sign of clotting yet. I haven’t even lived in the same country as the dog in the past five years, but still the standing order keeps going out.
How are you going to fund your retirement?
What are you talking about — I’m in show business! That’s job security right there. I might never retire.
What is more important — time off or money in the bank?
The above answer was meant sarcastically. The only guarantee in my job is that, at some stage someone will say “Dara O Briain? Wow, whatever happened to him?” So, frankly, make hay whenever you can as you’re a long time out of fashion. It’s not just a money thing, though. I have a brilliant job. I do playtime on stage for a living. So, before that fun is taken away from me, I’ll enjoy it as often as I can.
Have you ever received really bad financial advice?
The Irish government told me to put all my money into this Telecom flotation they were planning. Apparently, it was a dead cert and we would all be quids in. Of course, now I own Vodafone stock I never wanted. But it’s not over yet. Any minute now, Vodafone will treble in value and we’ll all break even.
To be fair to Bertie, a) he’s not the greatest financial planner in the world himself (and no man for the bank accounts, which is the No 1 political fact of the year in Ireland: we once had a minister for finance with no bank account. Please let us never let him forget that), and b) the SSIA thing was clearly meant as an apology. What the Lord taketh, the Lord giveth away . . .
Would you like to live somewhere other than Ireland?
I do. I’ve been living in London for five years, although tax resident in Ireland for four of those. So all the money I made over here has gone back home. I make it on Have I Got News for You; you get to spend it on roads in Longford. I crack a couple of funnies on Parkinson; a school in Borris-in-Ossory gets an overhead projector.
What is the most important lesson you have learnt about money?
Everybody wants it. By corollary, nobody really wants to give it to you. So if you don’t argue for the value of your work, nobody else will. Oh yeah, and if you’re self-employed, get an offset mortgage.