What could be better than a Priory therapy takeaway: the Jimi Hendrix step-by-step guide to guitar-playing? The Dr Atkins online carbs-free shopping service? The answer is nothing. Because this baby has it all. It feeds our insatiable appetite for self-diagnosis, allows us the chance to delve into the darker corners of our psyches without actually going public, and, above all, it lets us cheat.
Picture it. You get to gauge your alcohol problem while swigging Malibu from the bottle, explore your bulimic tendencies with your chin resting on the lavatory seat ... And should you decide to get with the programme, thanks to this do-it-yourself initiative, you can speed up the whole tedious process — bypass the prying shrinks, the killjoy nurses, not to mention all the freaks in those group confessionals — and go straight from detox to 12-step without getting up off the sofa. When you think about it, for a lot of people — models, say — a big obstacle to dealing with their addictions must have been the fact that, up until now, they’ve had to leave behind their little dogs and scented candles and enter an environment that just isn’t their scene.
Besides the fabulous convenience of takeaway therapy, having a few Priory products lying around your home will mark you out as a real contender. As the corporate communications manager of the Priory Group puts it: “In a funny way, when people see that certain well-known figures are going to The Priory, it seems like a positive and empowering move.” Never mind destigmatising mental illness, The Priory has made grappling with addiction a CV requirement for the cool and successful. Having its book on your coffee table will be the equivalent of wearing the kaballah bracelet. Whether you’re a survivor, a person in recovery or merely a person aware of the pitfalls — if The Priory is in your vocabulary, then you’re talking the right language.
The only obvious drawback of taking the do-it-yourself route is that it does remove the potential for networking at those weekly meetings. More than one cute girl has checked into AA knowing she’ll bump into a media mogul or cleaned-up rock star sooner or later. If you don’t have to go out for therapy, then it will be a bit harder to sustain that feeling of being part of an elite club. But not much.