Teechers is only human
Between you and I, if your sharp enough to spot the errers in this sentence, it infers that your qualification’s could be sufficient to probably land you a fabulous new career as a teacher. Always supposing you’re not one already, that is.
The employment agency Kelly Services rounded up a job lot of 2,000 professionals and administered a grammar test. Multiple choice, it was (as exams are these days, in order to give the illiterate a sporting chance). But even then the teachers emerged covered in confusion. Two thirds hadn’t a clue what to do with an apostrophe (answer: dip it in butter and eat it from the tip until the stem becomes fibrous). Seven per cent couldn’t distinguish between “imply” and “infer”, while 8 per cent didn’t know what was wrong with the sentence “Chris and me were puzzled at the outcome . ..”
A spokesman for the National Union of Teachers said: “You ought to know that. Look it up, boy! Really, the ignorance!” No he didn’t. He said “teachers are human beings and subject to error”. Quite. All of which means that the secrets of English grammar are now the exclusive property of Lynne Truss and a dwindling population of ancient newspaper subeditors. Quick! Someone start an English Academy, before the last gerund expires in the arms of the last gerundive.