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Clough: his greatest quotes

The world according to Brian Clough, the self-proclaimed greatest manager in football.

“I wouldn’t say I was the best manager in the business. But I was in the top one.” (On his own place in football)

“If God had wanted us to play football in the clouds, he’d have put grass up there.” (On the importance of passing to feet)

“Manchester United in Brazil? I hope they all get bloody diarrhoea.” (On hearing that Manchester United had opted out of the FA Cup to play in the World Club Championship)

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“For all his horses, knighthoods and championships, he hasn’t got two of what I’ve got. And I don’t mean balls!” (On Sir Alex Ferguson’s failure to win two successive European Cups)

“On occasions I have been big headed. I think most people are when they get in the limelight. I call myself Big Head just to remind myself not to be.” (On his nickname)

“I’m sure the England selectors thought if they took me on and gave me the job, I’d want to run the show. They were shrewd, because that’s exactly what I would have done.” (On not getting the England manager’s job)

“I can’t even spell spaghetti never mind talk Italian. How could I tell an Italian to get the ball? He might grab mine.” (On the influx of foreign players into English football)

“Who the hell wants 14 pairs of shoes when you go on holiday? I haven’t had fourteen pairs in my life.” (On the contents of Posh Spice’s missing luggage)

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“Players lose you games, not tactics. There’s so much crap talked about tactics by people who barely know how to win at dominoes.” (On England’s exit from Euro 2000)

“If I have a problem with a player, we talk about it for 20 minutes and then we decide I was right.” (On dealing with difficult players)

“At last England have appointed a manager who speaks English better than the players.” (On the appointment of Sven Goran Eriksson as England manager)

“I thought it was my next door neighbour, because I think she felt that if I got something like that, I’d have to move.” (On who might have nominated him for a knighthood)

“The Derby players have seen more of his balls than the one they’re meant to be playing with.” (On a streaker who appeared during a Derby game against Manchester United)

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“I only ever hit Roy the once. He got up so I couldn’t have hit him very hard.” (On dealing with Roy Keane)

“I like my women to be feminine, not sliding into tackles and covered in mud.” (On women’s football)

“You don’t want roast beef and Yorkshire every night and twice on Sunday.” (On too much football on television)

‘’That Seaman is a handsome young man but he spends too much time looking in his mirror, rather than at the ball. You can’t keep goal with hair like that.” (On England goalkeeper David Seaman)

“Walk on water? I know most people out there will be saying that instead of walking on it, I should have taken more of it with my drinks. They are absolutely right.” (On his drink problem)

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“I want no epitaphs of profound history and all that type of thing. I contributed - I would hope they would say that, and I would hope somebody liked me.” (On how he would like to be remembered)

“Don’t send me flowers when I’m dead. If you like me, send them while I’m alive.” (After the operation which saved his life in January 2003)

And finally, Bill Shankly on Brian Clough: “He’s worse than the rain in Manchester. At least the rain in Manchester stops occasionally.”