You have just four days and then it begins - an invasion from the east, heralded by dancing dragons, throbbing drum beats and crispy spring rolls. Thursday is the Chinese New Year, and that will trigger a six-month festival of Chinese culture - the largest ever seen on these shores.
New Year's celebrations will take place up and down the country to welcome in the year of the rat. (Don't pull that face: to be a rat is a good thing in Chinese astrology; those born under the rodent are blessed with charm and taste.)
And as soon as the hangovers have abated, China Now will be launched, with more than 800 events planned across the UK as part of the run-up to the Beijing Olympics in August. So now you can experience China without the 12-hour flight and swollen ankles.
There is a huge range of exhibitions, performances and activities scheduled, from political conferences to tea ceremonies and football tours - full details can be found at www.chinanow.org.uk - but here are the ones that caught our eye.
A PERFORMANCE by the UK Silk String Quartet, Europe's only Chinese string quartet, kicks things off on Thursday, February 7, at the Richard Attenborough Centre, University of Leicester (7.30pm, £15; 0116 252 2455, www.le.ac.uk/racentre).
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London's events begin on February 9 at the British Museum (2pm-midnight; 020 7323 8000, www.british museum.org), where the Beijing Bailing Shadow Puppet Troupe will be performing throughout the day. There will be workshops, speakers - including sculptor Antony Gormley and TV historian Dan Snow - and chances to paint lanterns and make your own terracotta warriors. Also on February 9, Edinburgh's Chinese Hogmanay includes a show in the Storytelling Centre (2.30pm; 0131 556 9579, www.scottishstorytellingcentre.co.uk), with music, dance and stories.
On Sunday, February 10, the processions begin, with a New Year parade starting at 11am along the Strand in London and proceeding into Trafalgar Square, where dances, performances and fireworks will continue until 6.30pm (www.chinatownchinese.co.uk).
A 175ft dragon will parade through Manchester, chased by acrobats and musicians (www. manchesterlive.co.uk). Also on Sunday: Coventry's Lower Precinct shopping centre (024 7623 0930, www.visitcoventry. co.uk) sees dragon and lion dances, and Shaolin martial arts; Liverpool will have workshops, a Chinese market, a funfair, martial arts and dances in Chinatown (0151 233 8834, www.lcba.net); and a firework display will conclude Nottingham's festivities of music and dance at Lakeside (0115 846 7777, www.lakeside arts.org.uk), the University of Nottingham's public arts centre, from 4.30pm.
A week later, on February 17, Brighton has a day of processions, workshops and food stalls at the North Laine and Corn Exchange area, between Jubilee Square and Pavilion Gardens (01273 234800, www.brightonevent.co.uk).
Manhua, China's answer to the manga cartoons of Japan, gets its first showing in the UK at the London College of Communication, where the pictorial narrative tradition is explored, with particular focus on the new generation of artists working in comics, online or in 3-D (March 7 to April 11; 020 7514 6500). And China Design Now will be at the Victoria and Albert Museum, featuring about 100 designers involved in architecture, graphics, fashion, film, photography and youth culture (from March 15 to July 13; www.vam.ac.uk).
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In Manchester, an excellent exhibition of ink paintings at the Chinese Arts Centre updates the 1,000-year history of the art to take it up to the present day (April 5 to June 22; www.chinese-arts-centre.org).
Hong Kong race day at Ascot on July 27 will feature dragon and lion dancing, and kung-fu exhibitions, as well as paper-folding, plate-spinning, calligraphy, Chinese massage and fortune-telling in the specially constructed Hong Kong village (tickets: £15 for general admission, £25 for premier admission; 0870 727 1234, www.ascot.co.uk).
Beijing hip-hop crew the Dragon Tongue Squad will be in London on February 21-22, at the Linbury Studio, Covent Garden (£12, £5 standing; 020 7304 4000, info.royalopera house.org), while the China Philharmonic Orchestra comes to the Festival Hall on May 13, with 25-year-old piano prodigy Lang Lang, to perform the Yellow River piano concerto (£9-£50; 0871 663 2500, www.southbankcentre. co.uk).
Nitin Sawhney provides the music for the Akram Khan Dance Company's production of Bahok, a group choreography playing at venues across the country (details to be announced online). And 14 Chinese films from the 1990s to the present day will be touring England and Wales as part of China Now Wow. Locations and dates can be found online.
Shen means spiritual being, and the exhibition of the same name in Bath explores the Chinese icons found in temples and households, from Guandi, the god of war, to Fuxing, the god of happiness (Museum of East Asian Art, until April 13; www.meaa.org.uk).
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But arguably the highlight of the entire festival is Journey to the West, the tale of a hero locked in a mountain for 1,000 years who helps a monk on a sacred quest. You might know it better by its TV name - Monkey! (West Yorkshire Playhouse, Leeds; June 14-July 12, from £11; 0113 213 7700, www.wyp.org.uk).