If you believe that French fashion houses should be bastions of elegance, custodians of the world’s taste and conduits for chi-chi sophistication then, first, what century are you living in?
Where were you when John Galliano first started oiling his pecs before taking his bow on the Dior catwalk? And second, look away now. For the chi-chi-est of them all, Chanel, has just announced the latest addition to its venerable family of accessories, which includes silk and leather camellias, fabulous costume jewellery and the indefatigable quilted Chanel bag.
The new departure is a transfer, one you wet and stick on your arm, or wherever. Obviously Chanel isn’t calling it a transfer. The press release, a masterly unleashing of euphemisms and beatings around the bush, refers to “ethereal trompe l’oeils”, “modern and poetic emblematic codes” and decalcomania sets. There’s further talk of leather, flowers, pearls and chain motifs — all clever riffs on Mademoiselle Chanel’s favourite things.
Take it from me, they’re transfers. The waiting list at Selfridges opened four days ago (although they won’t be in store until March) and already there are more than 40 people who have signed up. And yes, the PR confirms, they are genuine customers, from teenagers to a 40-year-old desperate to wear them to an event.
What event? In which circles is it now mandatory to sport a tramp stamp? And how will any of us convince our teenage daughters that tattoos are completely pass? after this?
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I’d like to pin this on Marc Jacobs’ last-but-one boyfriend — the one who started being photographed in the front row with the Marc Jacobs logo tattooed up his wrist. But he’s not the only culprit. Incredibly, there are vast numbers of the famous and infamous still ploughing this predictable old furrow. Courtney Love has just this week been papped with a meadow’s worth of fields inked across her arms and breasts. David Beckham also found a corner for one more. It must be addictive. Marc Jacobs, presumably kicking himself that he didn’t think of this before Chanel, has confessed that he too is open to further doodling. Even Samantha Cameron has one.
Daring and rebellious they are not. But looked at another way, Chanel could be doing parents an enormous service. Teenagers are bound to go mad for these, and maybe, just maybe, it will distract them from the permanent version.
Of course Chanel is not the first to discover the commercial appeal of a body sticker. But so far no one has yet managed to charge £55 for a pack — although for this you do get 49 designs, including that entwined CC motif. There will be a stampede, furious trading on eBay and a season of transfers until they peel off. Some things just aren’t built to last these days. Thank God.