So, you’re a standard-issue emancipated modern guy who’s quite OK about exploring your pamper-curious side. But when your partner says she fancies a few days relaxing at a spa together, sigh, the prospect doesn’t exactly fill you with joy. What’s the problem? In my case, it’s an aversion that afflicts people of all genders and stems from a deep fear that spending too much time continually clad in towelling could induce the sybaritic equivalent of stir-craziness: let’s call it fluffy-towelling psychosis.
The answer? A classic his ‘n’ hers compromise: luxury lolling combined with exploring some of the most amazing rock-strewn scenery that a short plane hop from London could ever reach. Bring on the Sheen Falls Lodge, in the wild West of Ireland. Sheen Falls may come as a surprise to anyone who hasn’t witnessed first-hand the Celtic tiger economy’s uplifting effect on Irish lifestyle. It’s modern, swish, and from the moment they valet-park your hire car at the end of the long driveway, you’re experiencing top-line Euro-swank: it’s a favourite haunt of the Taoiseach, Bertie Ahern.
This year it was awarded four red stars and three rosettes by the AA. It is the only Irish hotel in the current Travel and Leisure Magazine Top 100 hotels in the world. And it’s at the heart of some astonishing touring country: the lonesome Ballaghisheon Pass is pure point- and-gasp ruggedness, just north is the Killarney National Park, or you can head west to the Beara peninsula — top cycling country — and that famed coastal route, the Ring of Kerry.
We adopted a simple regime: a few hours clambering around the local scenery, then back to the town of Kenmare for a pampering pit-stop at Sheen Falls’ bijou spa. The spa offers a regime based on the Yon-Ka range, which is French, a combination of woozy-headed perfumes, sensuous indulgence and pernickety hypochondria. It’s based on alternative therapy and, well, I’ll let the blurb explain, “ combines the invigorating, balancing energy of essential oils charged with solar energy, with ingredients contained in plant and marine extracts: vitamins, trace elements, fruit acids, etc”.
Whatever. My wife, Kate, really loved getting rubbed with rocks: official title, the Yon-Ka aroma stone massage: 60 minutes of deep massage with heated spheres of basalt lava and frozen marble stones, then being oiled and rubbed into a state of rosy, pink agreeableness.
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Not for me. I headed for the no-nonsense end of the menu: things like the 45-minute Indian head massage. This was invigorating in a manly way, though sandwiched between a knot-bashing back massage and a calming face-smooth.
Quality of treatments Pleasantly competent and very relaxing, I fell asleep during the last bit.
Therapists Knowledgeable and friendly.
Ambience Clinical, but it’s clean and keen, with an airy pool, whirlpool, sauna and steam room.
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Wallet watch A 40-minute manicure costs £31. A head-to-toe “reviver” which lasts for one and a half hours costs £89. A spa package, consisting of two nights’ accommodation, breakfast, one dinner, a body treatment and facial, costs from £380 per person.
Do it again? Yes.
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Need to know Fly to Cork or Shannon.
Sheen Falls Lodge, Kenmare, Co Kerry; 00 353 64 41600, www.sheenfallslodge.ie