There I was minding my own business in a coffee shop, when I overheard this snippet of conversation.
“I’m falling in love with her.” “Well, you need to stop falling in love with her: you’re married!”
It made me wonder whether it’s feasible to stop oneself from falling in love. Is it?
Advertisement
After all, we do call it “falling” in love. A fall is something over which there’s little control. Once you’ve begun to fall, you keep going all the way until you land.
More philosophically speaking, romantic love can be defined as a kind of falling: a letting-go of the self for the sake of becoming a couple. The one becomes two, and the feeling of falling is partly this sense of the self breaking up and merging with another. It’s a wondrous sensation, possibly the best in the world. Who would want to resist it?
Yet as adults we are responsible for our actions. We can make choices. If we are in a relationship we can choose to avoid situations in which we might be tempted. Our internal barometer tells us when we’ve sent the too-flirtatious text message or spent too long fantasising about the new person. It’s just a question of whether we ignore this barometer or not.
The sad truth is, if we’re ready to fall in love with someone new, it means we’re ready to move on from the present relationship. In terms of ethics, it may be more a case of managing the exit responsibly than denying the new love.
Email conundrums to our philosopher at rrsmith@sundaytimes.co.uk