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The Times & The Sunday Times
The Times & The Sunday Times
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Can marriages survive adultery?

Research shows that married women now have affairs as often as men. Is this a new threat to marriage, or just a belated reflection of real life? Read our two-part report in T2, and the comments so far. Or send us your view using the form at the bottom of this page
The Times
The Times

Marriages thrive on adultery as long as both are absolutely discrete and the spouse has no inkling of what is going on behind his or her back. It’s over once that little seed of mistrust is planted. Once one partner deliberately inflicts pain on the other, it’s over for both. Never again will that person be the person you fell in love with. JA Elliott, Northern Ireland

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I was married for 15 years. In the first seven years of my relationship I had two affairs. I think my ex had the same. We both had broken models to learn from, so maybe it was no surprise that we failed to stay together. The important point for me is not to dwell on the failures and reasons, but to keep remembering the goal: to love with no conditions, cutting out the disappointment of expectation. The right two people can survive anything if it’s love that’s in their hearts. Mike Miller, Hampton

Monogamy is essential to any relationship. How can trust be present if it is not? Faithfulness “until death us do part” is seen as old-fashioned and yet marriages in which the man and wife have followed that path are the happiest and most fulfilled that I have ever seen. Jeanette Gregory-Smith, Pembroke

Marriage can survive unfaithfulness, but romantic love cannot. If you want to be unfaithful, don’t get caught, but better still, don’t do it. Name and address withheld

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