How would you manage a tricky workplace dilemma? We asked two experts — but want to hear your views too
Your dilemma: This might seem petty, but one of the directors has taken to calling you “sweetheart”. It is not done in a sexual way and you suspect that he sees himself as a father figure. He isn’t bullying or pestering you, and is actually a nice man, but you find it demeaning, especially when he does it in front of your colleagues. He doesn’t call anyone else by a pet name. How do you approach this?
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Malcolm Higgs, Dean, Henley Management College (www.henleymc.ac.uk)
From your question it appears that the director is unaware of how his use of a pet name is making you feel. A possible approach is simply to point out to him what you are noticing, without any immediate discussion of the impact. For example, you might say: “I’ve noticed that you have taken to calling me sweetheart, but do not use this term with anyone else. Is there a reason for this?” This simple inquiry opens up the possibility of a conversation in which you can express how you feel about the situation. It is best raised as a casual question when he uses the term and there is no one else around. This approach is non-threatening. If your reading of his behaviour is correct, I’m sure he will be grateful for the feedback and modify his behaviour. If you have been unduly generous in interpreting his motives, then you have provided a clear “warning” without being confrontational.
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James Bradley, information manager, Employee Advisory Resource, Accor Services (www.ear.co.uk)
We get a surprising number of queries on this topic, so you are not alone. Unless you are very confident that this person won’t take offence at having his behaviour criticised, I recommend that you opt for a subtle approach and do not confront him directly. One strategy is to confide in someone in human resources, or another director, and make it clear that you don’t want a really big deal made out of this and do not view this as sexual or bullying in any way. Request that your conversation be treated as confidential and ask them to casually chat to the director to say they have observed him calling you “sweetheart” and that, although they don’t know your thoughts on this, it is inappropriate and something he must stop doing.
Do you agree with this advice? Write to us at career@thetimes.co.uk