THE LINK between healthy eating and saintliness is gaining currency every day. It seems we are prepared to forgive almost any behaviour, provided the culprit eats five daily portions of fruit and vegetables.
Never before have the nutritionists and food gurus exercised such an iron grip on our collective psyche. We are subjected to a daily torrent of advice and tips about what we should and should not eat.
Thanks to Saddam Hussein, however, the game’s up. In a magazine interview this week, a group of soldiers who had guarded him revealed details of his eating habits.
Those who believe that “You are what you eat” must have been plunged into despair. For if it were true, one must conclude that the former Iraqi dictator, who stands accused of crimes against humanity and mass murder, is a paragon of virtue; a model citizen.
A cursory look around Saddam’s shopping trolley would force the strictest nutritionist to award him full marks. We learn that for breakfast he opts for a fibre-rich cereal, Raisin Bran Crunch. Apparently, he just can’t stomach sugary Froot Loops. For snacks, he likes nachos and to nibble petals. Dinner is chicken or fish.
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All drinks must be served at room temperature, which, as everyone knows, is helpful for digestion. His regime is a food guru’s dream.
The soldiers guarding Saddam spoke warmly of their captive. Perhaps it’s true — protein really can be redemptive.
The worst contender in this maniacal health quest is undoubtedly Gillian McKeith. In her television series You Are What You Eat, the deranged “dietitian” informs a variety of portly participants that what they eat is “disgusting”. Her victims weep tears of genuine remorse on hearing her verdict. They are bad, bad people.
We also learnt this week that Michael Jackson is on the path to enlightenment via a diet of restorative shakes and “smoothies”. He has found himself a nutritionist who used to be a comedian. The focus of his rehabilitation now is nutritional rather than behavioural.
It’s time to stand up to the bullying food experts. Morbid obesity is clearly undesirable but choosing not to exist entirely on carrots, nuts and seeds is hardly a crime.
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It seems the only way to enjoy a family-size packet of Doritos without being reprimanded by a nutritionist is to be safely in jail.