The first study to quantify changing attitudes among men towards crying has found that almost a third readily admit to weeping at least once a month.
For many it was more than just shedding a few tears. Almost a quarter of men in London admitted completely letting themselves go and sobbing or bawling in the past month.
The research, by Oxford’s Social Issues Research Centre, looked at more than 2,000 people over 18 and found 77% of men considered crying in public increasingly acceptable.
Peter Marsh, director of the centre and co-author of the report, said: “Crying now can indicate sensitivity rather than weakness. Like with David Beckham, to cry because you’re dropping off your boy at nursery isn’t seen as weak.”
Traditionally there have been moments when it was allowable for male tears to well up — the singing of Abide with Me at FA Cup finals did it for some, while patriots might become misty-eyed on the Last Night of the Proms.
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The findings show that the traditional male attribute of reserve has been seen off by new men, “metrosexuals” and even apparently macho men such as the Olympic rower Matthew Pinsent, who blubbed as he won his gold medal in Athens. Crying is now seen as a normal male reaction to anything from bereavement to loneliness to a moving scene on television.
Women are still three times more likely than men to cry, but men appear to be catching up fast. Males in London — where the metrosexual trend is more pronounced — are most likely to weep. Besides bawling, half of the London males admitted crying in front of their mothers. Scotsmen are the least outwardly emotional, although they are the most prone to blubbing at weddings. Southern Englishmen are most likely to weep for joy; midlanders cry in self-pity.
The most common cause of crying for both men and women is the death of someone close. But the researchers claim that a sad moment in a film, television programme or book is more likely to make men cry than having a row with their loved one or seeing a wife or girlfriend hurt.
Paul Roberts, 31, an accountant from London, said he cried as much as twice a month. “I see nothing wrong with shedding a tear or two watching a movie or listening to music,” he said. “Something will remind you of an emotional event in your life. Those feelings are going to resurface and why should we repress them?”
Luke Williams, 24, an information technology consultant from Glasgow, said: “Men are supposed to be strong, so if you cry you look weedy and feeble. Crying at slushy films or if you hurt yourself is just plain girlie. You always hear women want a rugged bad boy. Crying just doesn’t fit in with that.”
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Crying has not always been seen as a sign of weakness. Sir Winston Churchill was said to be a frequent crier, shedding tears at seeing a survivor in a bombed-out air raid shelter and when he saw his wife after a long absence.
His grandson Nicholas Soames, the shadow defence secretary, admits that he cries at “military bands playing Land of Hope and Glory, acts of courage, England winning the World Cup at rugger”.
President George W Bush, his brothers and their father are big weepers, according to the American writer Kitty Kelley. “The Bush men have bladders near their eyeballs — they all cry all the time,” a friend of the family says in Kelley’s new biography of the family.
Other recent blubbers have included the television presenter John Leslie, who burst into tears outside court after he was cleared of sex charges.
Psychologists say that while society has accepted that men can cry, there are limits. Ronald Bracey, a consultant clinical psychologist in Woking, Surrey, said: “If a man began to cry when he was in an A&E department when having stitches it would be perceived that he was a wimp. Men still need to be seen as strong when it comes to physical pain.”
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The root of this perception according to the report, co- authored by Kate Fox, goes back to man’s ancestors. Tearful men would have seemed weak, encouraging other males to attack.
The research also highlights the different manifestations of emotion. When angry, women are prone to cry while men, says one of the researchers’ male respondents, “just get angry and punch something.”
The new research, sponsored by Kleenex for Men tissues, also finds that the younger a man, the more tear-prone he tends to be. It points to “a long-term, gradual shift in attitudes”.
Among the over-fifties, 63% have never seen their father cry, while for 18 to 29-year-olds the figure is 44%. British men have not yet caught up with America where males cry on average 1.4 times a month while women there shed tears 5.3 times.