OUT OF SIGHT
Why such excitement about an Ashes series played when almost everyone is asleep and thus unable to follow it? Imagine hearing that you could not see your favourite Premiership team live on television this season, that there would be no radio commentary, no reports during matches and, as a final blow, not even any score updates. You would only hear the score after play had finished, which is more or less what happens in the cricket. Interest would soon disappear.
TOPS FOR DRAWS
Aston Villa’s 1-1 draw against Middlesbrough on Saturday, their eighth in 14 Barclays Premiership matches this season, puts them on course to record the highest proportion of draws in a season in any division in league history. The present highest is Norwich City’s 23 draws in 42 games in the top flight in 1978-79.
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WRONG, WRONG, WRONG
Uefa’s decision to divide teams by head-to-head records before goal difference has three flaws, as this column has pointed out, and all three apply in Manchester United’s Champions League group.
First, it reduces excitement by settling issues early. In United’s group, Celtic have secured a spot in the knockout phase, so the last round of matches will feature only two teams chasing a qualification place rather than three.
Secondly, it is unfair. Celtic have qualified and United have not, yet United have the better goal difference.
Thirdly, it causes confusion. Celtic realised that they had qualified not at the final whistle in front of 60,000 people but when someone clutching the rulebook and a league table stuck their head round their dressing-room door.
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GRRREAT TEAM
They would have to borrow Paul Robinson to play in goal, but Manchester United and Real Madrid could put out a combined outfield team flooded with Rs, calling themselves Real and Red Devils Select: Robinson — Ramos, Rio, Raúl Bravo, Roberto Carlos — Ronaldo (the Portuguese one), Raúl, Ryan, Reyes — Ruud, Rooney. Subs: Ronaldo (the Brazilian one), Robinho, Richardson. United could also recall Rossi from his loan at Newcastle United.
NO HOLDS BARD
Goal celebrations are becoming ever more elaborate, with Bernado Corradi using the corner flag to “knight” his Manchester City team-mates. Soon we can expect all 11 members of the team to don Shakespearian costume while the substitutes wheel on some Agincourt props and the players will act out a scene from Henry V. “We few, we happy few, we band of brothers have scored an equaliser against Wigan Athletic.”
TRACTOR DRIVES INTO VALLEY
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Five former Ipswich Town players appeared in the Premiership on Saturday, all of them for Charlton Athletic: Hermann Hreidarsson, Matt Holland, Darren Ambrose, Darren Bent and Marcus Bent.