“It’s high enough, it’s long enough, it’s straight enough.”
“He’s like a demented ferret up a wee drainpipe.”
“He plays like a runaway bullet.”
“There goes 18 stones of prime Scottish/Welsh/Irish/English beef on the hoof.”
“And they’ll be dancing in the streets of [insert winning team] tonight, I can tell you.
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“He kicked that ball like it were three pounds o’ haggis.”
“His sidestep was marvellous – like a shaft of lightning.” [on Gerald Davies, the Wales wing]
“The All Blacks looked like great prophets of doom.”
“My goodness, that ball’s gone so high there’ll be snow on it when it comes down.”
“When he hits you, you think the roof’s just fallen in.” [on Scott Gibbs, the Wales centre]
“He’s all arms and legs like a mad octopus.” [on Simon Geoghegan, the Ireland wing]
“And it’s a try by Hika the hooker from Ngongotaha.” [Wales v New Zealand 1980].
*He’s like a raging bull with a bad head.
*That one was a bit inebriated – just like one of my golf shots [description of a missed goal kick].
*Would ye like a Hawick ball, son? [McLaren offering a friend a mint]
*I was there [at Twickenham] in 1938 when Scotland won 28-16.
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*‘Tweet, tweet, tweet’ – commentary on Scottish full-back Peter Dods’s strange run up to a penalty kick.
*He’s as quick as a trout up a burn.
*Those props are as cunning as a bag o’ weasels.
*A day out of Hawick is a day wasted.
*I’m no hod carrier but I’d be laying bricks if he was running at me [description of Jonah Lomu].
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*I look at Colin Meads and see a great big sheep farmer who carried the ball in his hands as though it was an orange pip.
*I’ve hardly ever had to pay to get in [the best thing in his view about 50 years of commentary at rugby matches].