Even a cursory glance at today’s page will detect uncommonly high levels of testosterone. That’s because tomorrow is Father’s Day. In the past, acceptable gifts for such occasions have included drills, assorted sporting accessories, anything that requires a 13-amp fuse and, of course, alcohol. But not any more. Chocolate golf balls and “World’s Greatest Dad” mugs will always have their place (it’s called the bin); increasingly, however, what the modern father requires on his special day is grooming.
My own dear husband has always been something of a pioneer in such matters. During our carefree courtship, I remember being impressed to find a bottle of Clarins bath soak in his flat. Since embracing fatherhood, the supply of bubbles has dwindled, to be replaced by pots of Sudacrem and fragrance-free baby wipes. Nevertheless, he manages to maintain high standards: these days, the range of choice is REN, specifically its Frankincense and Boswellia Serrata Repair Cream (£25; www.renskincare.com). It’s an excellent moisturiser, but smells more like a medicinal salve. It also lasts for ever.
The REN range is a good bet for blokes, since the packaging and products are universally unisex. Not so Nickel’s Morning After Rescue Gel (£24; 020-7240 4048) which, with its slick packaging and laddish blurb (all about counteracting the effects of booze and fags), is unmistakably masculine. Both the gel and its sister (or should that be brother?) product, Silicon Valley Wrinkle Equalizer (£42), are remarkably effective at reviving tired, dehydrated skin without greasiness. If you’re feeling generous, you could pack your beau off to the Nickel spa in London (www.nickelspalondon.co.uk). It’s men-only, but there’s no compromise on the quality and range of treatments, which include facials, waxing (to variously alarming degrees) and even, on request, Botox.
Partners or children of less daring dads might prefer a more traditional option: smellies. The choice is of course limitless; but I don’t think you can go far wrong with Atlas Cedar by Jean-Charles Brosseau (£46; 020-7893 8797). It’s French, it’s new and it’s one of those greenish, musty scents that fathers should smell of; the sort that would only be improved by the addition of copious cigar smoke and whisky. However if, unlike me, you have a father or partner who prefers sporty, outdoors activities, perhaps even a spot of gardening, then some kind of sun protection is key. Anthony’s Oil Free Facial Lotion (£30; www.mankind.co.uk, and don’t ask me who Anthony is) has an SPF of 15; and Clinique’s M Protect, a daily moisturising cream, offers an SPF of 21 (which is also, as it happens, the price). And finally, it’s unreasonable to expect all but the most dedicated groomer to control his body hair, but aural and olfactory growth is just unacceptable, as are unruly eyebrows (or “plodoinks”, as single, maverick eyebrow hairs are known in my family). But you can get a brilliant little gadget that will deal quickly and efficiently with such unpleasantries: the Remington Facial Hair Definer (£19.99). It’s a ridiculously coy name for what is essentially a nose-hair clipper, and Remington have marketed it as a thing to do stripy “ghetto” eyebrows with – like the ones that Pete on Big Brother has. But what matters is that it works. I even tried it out on myself. Made me sneeze, but otherwise a great success. Oh, the glamour.