To start with the positives, the view from my room at this hotel — bang in the centre of Edinburgh — was striking. Looking out across Waverley station I could see the cream stone Georgian buildings of Princes Street, and the obelisk, cemetery and Athens-like monuments of Calton Hill.
Beyond the rooftops was the silver shimmer of the Firth of Forth, with the Kingdom of Fife spread out on the horizon. It was magical and captivating, the pink sky turning moodily dark and inky above the sodium lights of the city.
My room was reasonably comfortable, though a purple carpet with a red-yellow motif made it look as though you were walking on hot coals. There was a picture of three horse-drawn chariots, a bed with a firm mattress, and a bathroom with a good shower and large tub.
All good. But then there was the hopeless check-in, the overpriced room service, the miserably mean dinner and the ridiculous internet charge.
Indeed, “mean” felt like the operative word at the Barcel?. There were only two receptionists on the front desk, despite room for more, and a long queue. The result was a half-hour wait for service.
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On reaching the desk there was no apology, merely a demand for a credit card. My response that I had only a debit card was met with a look of incredulity and the comment: “Well, we’ll have to take the payment now, not at checkout, then.” I felt as though I was being told off.
Room service was a joke. I ordered a ham sandwich, sparkling water and a coffee without looking properly at the menu prices. Big mistake.
The meagre sandwich, large bottle of water (though I had not asked for large) and instant coffee duly arrived half an hour later. “That will be £19.50,” said the woman “breakfast supervisor”, smiling thinly. Nearly twenty quid! Looking at the packed lunch-style sandwich, I said: “That’s extortionate.” She replied: “I’m sorry.”
I had paid £20 extra in advance for dinner. For 50p more than my sandwich lunch I received two tiny greasy salmon cakes and a small portion of braised beef wrapped in fatty bacon and accompanied by lumpy mashed potato, a couple of slices of carrot and a handful of French beans.
I was left feeling hungry and ripped off — even more so when I learnt that to use the internet at this popular business hotel costs £15 extra. What with the ludicrous sandwich, the tiny meal and checking my e-mails, I had spent £54.50.
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The views may go far at the Barcel? but your money certainly doesn’t.
Barcel? Edinburgh Carlton Hotel (0131- 472 3000, www.barcelo-hotels.co.uk), North Bridge, Edinburgh EH1 1SD. Mystery Guest paid £110 for a B&B double. Room 7 out of 10 Food 1 Service 2 Value 2 Score 3