Q During a weekend away with other couples recently, I caught my best friend’s long-term partner pouring vodka into his coffee at 9am. He’s always been a drinker, but told her he’d cut back and was only drinking a few glasses of wine in the evening. She believes him. Should I say something?
A Don’t delude yourself that you’ll be doing anything very useful by telling your best friend what you’ve seen. The fact that you caught him is irrelevant, the problem is how to deal with the effects of his drinking. Morning boozing certainly indicates someone with a dependency problem, and so dealing with it requires skilled help and support for him and his partner. Initially, you could try discussing the issue with this man, assuring him that he can confide in you but that your priority is concern for your friend. As you witnessed him drinking, there is a slim chance that he wants to be discovered, more so if it was a problem in the past. If you can persuade him to get help, by talking to someone such as an alcohol counsellor through his GP or a local AA group, you would have achieved something positive. You could then talk to your friend: if she reveals worries about his drinking, try to persuade her to talk to a group such as Al-Anon, which provides support for the families of drinkers. You cannot solve this alone but can make it clear to your friend and her partner that, if they take steps towards help, you will be there for them.