AS A culture, we must all now, surely, fear the ageing process just that little more than we did previously. Before Celebrity Big Brother 2006, it was generally held that a body became incrementally wiser as the years passed. But now that the nation has had nearly three weeks to witness 52-year-old George Galloway, MP for Bethnal Green & Bow, go out of his way to destroy his career by taking part in a notoriously ludicrous game show, we can only speculate just how much the intellect is robbed by the passing of the years.
Is there a medical test in existence that could explain WHY HE DID IT? He claimed it was to “reach out to the young”. Just how effective this technique was can be judged by a comment from Chantelle, Galloway’s 22-year-old housemate. “What’s George’s band called?” she asked, after spending 21 days in 24-hour contact with Galloway.
Politicos and hoodies alike have lengthily debated which was George’s most catastrophic moment in the house: acting out the emotion “A slight feeling of bewilderment when a puppy won’t come to you when called”, dressed in a straining red Lycra bodysuit, to Kraftwerk’s Trans-Europe Express, perhaps. Taunting the ex-alcoholic Michael Barrymore by chanting the phrase, “Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink” over and over again during an argument.
Kneeling on all fours and drinking imaginary cream from the actress Rula Lenska’s hands, purring loudly. Promising, in the wake of some perceived slight, revenge on Preston, the 24-year-old lead singer of The Ordinary Boys. “Either in or out of the house,” he added. During the latter scene, with his cigar, Galloway looked like Big Ron Corleone.
Well now, of course, his revenge will be dished up outside the house — last night Galloway was the fourth housemate to be evicted, to the loudest boos ever heard for a contestant on Big Brother. Initially bullish, during his post-eviction interview Galloway had the increasingly waxy pallor of someone gradually realising that he is in quite a lot of trouble.
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Firstly presenter Davina McCall showed Galloway some of the many hooting headlines his performance had inspired, before inquiring: “What do you think your most infamous moment has been?” “Appearing on Richard and Judy and (winning food) for my housemates, who literally had malnutrition,” Galloway said, confidently. Davina then showed him the cat footage, which turned Galloway a hue I recognised to be “Clunch” by Farrow & Ball.
Then Jeremy Paxman popped up on a screen, like a big hammer. “When you’re ready to talk, so are we — with or without your leotard,” Paxman drawled.
Perhaps realising just what kind of news story would prompt a BBC current affairs anchorman to appear momentarily on a Channel 4 game show, Galloway strobed right through to “Lamp Room Grey”.