When was the last time you hugged your boss? Not one of those clumsy back-slaps or a hopeful handshake that slips into an awkward arm grab and brief touch of the shoulders. No, when was the last time you gave your boss a full-on, give-me- all-your-good-stuff squeeze? Come to the think of it, when was the last time your boss instructed you strip to your pants and get your bare, buff chest out on a cold winter’s night in Blackburn? Let’s face it, the Chelsea manager José Mourinho isn’t your average boss.
I thought not liking Chelsea was going to be easy. For starters, they are going to win things and, as a Man City fan, not liking teams that win things comes pretty naturally. I still mouth the words “billionaire’s plaything, anyone can buy a team, it will never last”, but, I’ll be honest, I’m hooked on Mourinho.
I love his celebrations. I love his mischief. I love how he plays the “mind games”, whatever they are supposed to be, and then pretends that he doesn’t. I love how he gets up Fergie’s nose. And I love the way he inspires loyalty and togetherness in his players, how when interviewed they display trust in themselves, each other and him. I have also started going to my local Matalan to admire their selection of fashionable and stylish overcoats.
But Mourinho swaps the terrace jibes of the Premiership for the Nou Camp as Chelsea face Barcelona in the Champions League this week. Can he repeat his success with Porto? Probably. Can he win all four trophies in his first season? Possibly. But that’s all too easy. I want to see him try something really tricky, like ridding us of Third World debt (and, more importantly, Bono), making EastEnders good again and scooping up the Moss-gathering “junkie rocker” Pete Doherty, before giving him a big hug and playing him on the left of midfield.
Advertisement
Live Uefa Champions League: Barcelona v Chelsea, Sky Sports 2, 7pm