If he looks back now, Alex Lozowski realises he was “in mourning” for nearly two years having been dropped by England in 2018.
Against Japan that autumn Lozowski was taken off at half-time when England were 15-10 down, Eddie Jones replacing him with his Saracens team-mate Owen Farrell, who steered the team out of trouble for a 35-15 win.
That was it for Lozowski — five caps and on the scrapheap like many others. Japan 2018 was a graveyard game. The scrum half Danny Care, having vented his frustrations to Jones about dwindling opportunities, and the No 8 Zach Mercer have also never played for England since.
Alec Hepburn, the starting loose-head prop, managed only one more cap, the wing Chris Ashton two, with the props Ben Moon and Harry Williams retained for just more five Tests.
The flanker Ted Hill, then 19, took three years to make another appearance — against the United States last summer — but has been discarded a second time now.
Advertisement
With it so far in the past Lozowski, now 28 and the starting outside centre for Saracens against Bristol Bears in the Gallagher Premiership on Saturday, is able to articulate just how savage that experience was; one he is only just over.
“It’s difficult to think back,” he says, sitting in the spring sunshine at Saracens’ Old Albanians training ground. “I was in some sort of mourning — it feels like some part of you is dead. You care so much about it, and it doesn’t free you up to go and do your best.
“You want to impress the England coaches, then second-guess things. That didn’t do me any good. I allowed it to motivate me in the wrong way for two years.”
Lozowski did not understand the decision, shut out the helpful advice of family members, coaches and friends, and became stuck in a rut until he went on loan to Montpellier, when Saracens’ salary-cap crisis struck in 2019.
“It didn’t bring the best out of me,” he says. “I worried about it too much, and I didn’t play badly in the season after — we won the double and it was good — but I’d say between getting dropped and going to France it did bug me a lot. That was my fifth cap and I probably hadn’t played a good game for England up until then.
Advertisement
“Then the first half of the Japan game was a bit of a nightmare, and the thought after was probably, ‘We’ve given this guy five chances, and it’s not happened, so it’s time to look at someone else.’ That’s probably all it was. I was still hoping I’d do enough to get back in for the [2019] World Cup, and there was contact, but I couldn’t quite make up for what happened.”
Lozowski initially hated watching England games. He was part of a 20-strong “shadow squad” for the recent Guinness Six Nations campaign — alongside Saracens team-mates Billy and Mako Vunipola — but, despite looking a ready-made option at fly half or centre, combining physicality with guile, it looks as if Lozowski’s England days are over, under Jones at least.
“There was a time I didn’t really want to watch,” he says. “Then you think, you’ve only played five games. It’s not like I was Danny Care, who played 80-odd, then suddenly didn’t. I probably had a deluded sense of ‘this is my team’.
“I probably shouldn’t have felt any bitterness — but I did and it was wrong. I don’t feel particularly close to the England team, but it’s not holding me back like it did before.
“That’s the situation. I’ve not played for three years now, so it’s not a see-how-it-goes situation. I don’t feel like I’m banging the door down or anything.
Advertisement
“I’d love to have another crack at it, but I’m realistic. There’s a lot of guys ahead of me — I’ve just got to do my best here, and if I do that’s fine.”
Lozowski empathises with team-mates Ben Earl, who won 13 caps at flanker before he was overlooked, and Max Malins, involved for every minute this Six Nations until he was thrown out of Jones’s squad for the France match. He backs them as “good enough and young enough” to return, as the lock Nick Isiekwe has done.
Lozowski himself has international options. His grandmother Giacoma, who moved to the UK after the Second World War, is Italian. The Azzurri head coach Kieran Crowley is interested in luring him, now eligibility rules allow one switch of nationality. Could it happen?
“I’d have to have a proper think about it,” Lozowski says, wrestling with the idea. “Even though I’ve said I don’t think I’m anywhere near playing for England, you’re putting a line under it, which is difficult.
“I don’t really feel — not in a disrespectful way — any attachment to Italy. I’ve never lived there, don’t speak Italian, and the type of player I am, I feel I need some sort of connection to the team I’m playing for.
Advertisement
“When I first arrived in France, coming to a new team I didn’t know too much about, that was difficult. Then when my relationships grew and we were fighting together, that’s what makes me perform.”
Lozowski’s French foray helped to clear the dark clouds he had left behind in England. Initially, though, it was tough. He went to Montpellier at the height of lockdown, the side were losing regularly last season and were bottom of the Top 14 before Xavier Garbajosa was replaced by Philippe Saint-André as head coach in January 2021.
But the grind suddenly became worthwhile when the team lifted the Challenge Cup in May to sign off Lozowski’s year.
Returning, Lozowski has felt less concerned by the opinions of others. He has shot to the top of the Premiership scorers list, kicking Saracens into second place when Farrell has been out with ankle injuries. “I feel freer,” he explains. “You always want more, but I’m grateful for this — playing at a great club with a great bunch of guys. I want to do well for them. That was a change in mindset, a less selfish one of me trying to get back in the England squad — that being all I care about.
“If I never play again [for England] I’ll feel a sense of unfulfilment, but I do want to give everything to Sarries.
Advertisement
“It’s not like you don’t care, you always do and if someone says ‘Do you want to play for England?’ you always say yes, but you let go. That’s where I’m at, and that allows me to play my best.”
As a Spurs fan he will love Saturday — Saracens facing Bristol at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, and all the big boys, including Farrell, back. He misses the biggest days, so is determined that he and Saracens have more to come.
“When you’re playing for England it’s big game after big game, that’s what every player wants,” Lozowski says. “There’s two a season here, maybe, so you’ve got to get there to experience those. When it’s all finished I may by no stretch of the imagination be a very good England player, but I want to have done things with Sarries I can be proud of.”
