Alesha Dixon is famous for being one of the most glamorous women on television. But the star spent years hiding a dark secret. Her mum was the victim of domestic abuse, and Alesha saw her being beaten up many times before her mum finally found the courage to dump her violent partner. Now the star has spoken out about it for a Newsround special report into the issue, which is said to affect 750,000 children who witness violence in the home each year.
“My experience of domestic violence started when I was 7 and went on for three years,” Alesha says. “I remember walking into the house and my mum had a black eye. I said to her, although I knew the answer, ‘how did you get that black eye?’ She said she banged her head on the side of a cupboard. She didn’t know what else to say — she was embarrassed. I was definitely scared, and not knowing what could happen from one day to the next, it affects everything. Your schoolwork, your mood, and you’re constantly worried for your mum. It’s a lot of weight to carry on your shoulders as a young child.”
Newsround presenter Barney Harwood spent an evening with the Metropolitan police unit that deals with domestic violence. One of the most common reasons people dial 999 is that they’re being attacked or threatened by a member of their family, and it is estimated that, across the country, someone calls the police about domestic violence once every minute. During the course of the evening, they arrested a man who had thrown ornaments at his wife during an argument. “It’s a real eye-opener how big the problem of domestic violence is in just one part of one city,” Harwood says.
One dad who is a reformed domestic abuser spoke out to the programme about why he did it, and how he has since changed his life. “The smallest of things could set me off. Even being asked a question, I’d go into a rage and mouth off. I was like a ticking timebomb waiting to go off,” says the dad, who wished to remain anonymous.
His young son Connor explained the effect it had on his own behaviour. “I never knew what was going to happen next. There was always lots and lots of shouting. I’d be sat on my bed playing my DS and ignoring it. The arguing at home made me behave bad like my dad, I was always bullying other children.”
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His father explains that being angry with his wife was just a way of expressing how bad he was feeling inside about himself. Because his father had been violent towards him, he believed abuse was normal. But one day, he decided to get help and has now managed to turn his life around. “I feel ashamed of what I’ve done, and it makes you feel sick to your stomach to think of the way I was,” he says. According to Connor, their life is very different. “He’s really much better. My dad is the most important part of my family and I’m just so happy that he’s changed.”
Alesha Dixon has some sage advice for others going through that situation — to talk to a teacher or phone the police. “Because the more people that know, the more chance you have of ending it,” said the Britain’s Got Talent judge. “It definitely took me a long time to heal. I remember during my teenage years still being haunted by that vision of my mum being attacked. But I’ve worked through it and I’ve got a great life now, and I know others can too.”
Behind Closed Doors: A Newsround Special, BBC One, Monday, March 19, 5pm