Andrew Strauss and Alastair Cook batted together 132 times in Tests. The latter succeeded the former as captain and both are in the rare group of cricketers to have played 100 Tests or more. This week, they met up in Nottingham. The topic of discussion was not so much cricket as the effect it can have on wives and families.
Married and with young children, both spent long periods away from home during their playing careers. In 2018 Strauss lost his wife, Ruth, the mother of their sons Sam and Luca, to a rare form of cancer. Cook is married to Alice, whom he met when they were teenagers. They have two daughters, Elsie and Isabelle, and a son, Jack.
The first question, therefore, was how would they have felt about the prospect, as seems possible this winter, of heading to Australia for an Ashes tour knowing that their wives and children would not be free to join them at any point?
Andrew Strauss What used to irritate me during our time was this old-school attitude, from the media in particular, that when the wives came on tour they were a distraction, stopping us from focusing on the cricket. It was disrespectful to the women and did not take into account the positive aspect of having your family around you when you are a long way from home and in a stressful working environment.
Alastair Cook There is definitely a balancing act because the player-bonding element of a tour is important, especially in the first few weeks. I remember Andy Flower when he was coach not allowing wives and girlfriends for the first stages of a tour, and I think the girls understood that it is really important you are connected as a side. Some of the stuff which happens in the first few weeks — boys’ nights out, playing golf, enjoying the privilege of being international cricketers abroad — has to be added into the equation.
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Strauss Now you have to overlay Covid. If players are confined to a hotel room they have two choices: either playing PlayStation or thinking about cricket all the time, and neither of those is good for mental health. You cannot overestimate the power of having your family around and switching off from cricket.
Cook I cannot see how they are going to tour Australia this winter if they cannot take their families out there. If I was playing now on an Ashes tour, which is brilliant to go on, and was told there is a chance you could be in lockdown, as they are in Australia right now, and that you would not see your kids at Christmas, I would expect lots of dropouts.
You both met the women who became your wives before you became England players. Did they have any idea what they were getting into?
Strauss Ruth did not because I was in Middlesex seconds and playing club cricket in Sydney. Being the wife of an international cricketer who would be travelling the world never entered her head. That was not the basis of our relationship and that was a good thing because she saw me as someone different from the Test player I became. She knew that ultimately my responsibilities and personality were bigger than what I did on the cricket field.
Cook Alice and I were still at school when we met, and I could not thank Ruth enough for the way she looked after Alice on the Ashes tour in 2006-07. Alice was only 20 or 21 and it was the first time she had flown out for an England tour. Ruth gave her advice about what it is like being with an England cricketer but also stressing that she should get on with her life. After all, how many relationships at the age of 21 go on to marriage and children? It was important for Alice to go on to university and not wait for me to come back to her.
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Can you think of any examples where you put your career before your family that make you uncomfortable now?
Cook I left Alice 14 hours after she gave birth to our second child. It was in 2016 when we went to Bangladesh. There had been previous security instances in the Asian sub-continent which led the one-day captain, Eoin Morgan, to withdraw from the tour but Reg Dickason, our security man, told us it was safe. I knew it would be tricky because Isabelle was due but I could not say to the lads: “We’re going to go,” and then not fly out with them.
Alice gave birth at 10.30 and then at 6.30 the next evening I was getting in a car to go to the airport and not coming home for ten weeks. That is when you realise she is sucking up two months so you can do your job. I did not feel great getting in the car. But it is a serious privilege to play for and lead England — and that is where the sacrifices come in.
Strauss I flew home from the Pakistan tour in 2005, saw Sam born and was then back in Asia in 24 hours, albeit having missed a Test. The truth is that the wives and families understand that for a period in your life work comes first. There are sacrifices. Where it becomes hard is when those sacrifices are non-stop. My feeling is that your wife finds it hard to talk to you about this because if they raise it, then it becomes an issue and you think they are saying: “I don’t want you to do this.”
Cook Alice never once caused an issue and I cannot talk highly enough of her for enduring those hardships. If anything your absences in the English summer were harder because you come in for a day or two, upset everything with the children’s routine, then you bugger off again.
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Yes, it can be tough when you are on the end of a phone line thousands of miles away and cannot see your child but I would never want this interview to come across as me saying: “Oh, poor me.” Everyone has sacrifices, not just cricketers, but our sacrifices were made in pursuit of our dreams. When we put our kit bag in the car and drove off to face India or Australia, our minds were entirely focused on that job, not what was going on at home. If Alice had rung me while on tour to say that the shower had broken, my reaction would have probably been, what am I supposed to do about it?
Strauss I have gained a different insight since Ruth’s death as I am single-parenting now. While we packed our bags, got in the car and then had a glass of champagne in the business lounge at Heathrow, she was on her own with two young children — and did not have her family around because they were in Australia. I realise now how tough that must have been.
Did taking on the England captaincy change your marital relationship?
Strauss I remember talking to Ruth when offered the job, asking: “Are you OK with this?” Because, in my case, it meant playing one-day cricket again. I said: “This will be a 24-7 job.” But you are never going to turn down the England captaincy.
Cook When Straussy announced he was giving up the captaincy in 2012, we did a joint press conference in which I was unveiled as his successor. At the end of it, we followed each other out of the car park at Lord’s. I was on the phone to Alice and Straussy turned right and I turned left. It was a poignant moment. I remember saying to her: “I wonder how it is going to end for me because every England captain has something that grabs them and they have to deal with.” Turns out mine was Kevin Pietersen as well.
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How involved were they in your decisions to retire from international cricket?
Cook I got out in the second innings against India here in Nottingham in 2018 and knew that was me done. Alice was heavily pregnant with Jack at the time and I was going to tell her that night but The Inbetweeners Movie was on. I had not been scoring many runs and retirement had been on my mind for six to nine months but there I was, laughing properly for the first time in ages. So I did not tell her because I was having fun and did not want to break the moment. I texted her the next morning. She was typing her reply for what seemed like ages and I was wondering that she might say: “Are you sure you won’t regret this?” And then came the reply: “I know.” She had seen it in my eyes.
Strauss It had been weighing heavily on my mind up to 12 months before. Although I had mentioned it to Ruth she felt uncomfortable talking to me because she did not want to unduly influence my decision. She would say: “You will know when it’s right, just go out and play.” From the start of the South Africa series in 2012, I was pretty sure that that would be the end but certainly nothing that transpired made me want to reverse that decision!
Cook Having someone in your corner, knowing they are 100 per cent behind you, helps so much. And sometimes it is the tough love you need. Alice was very good whenever I got the “poor mes”. One of my better qualities was that I seldom took my work home with me, I seldom sulked around the house, but if I did she would say: “Shut up, go out, train hard, hit some balls, stop feeling sorry for yourself.”
Strauss Having someone you can let your guard down in front of is vital. In international cricket, you can never drop your guard fully. It is all a bluff — saying you’re feeling great when you’re not . . .
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Cook When you are captain and walking out to bat, however stressed and worried you might be, you know you cannot let any youngster in the team see that.
Strauss Andy Flower and I got on very well but I kept a lot back from him. To have that special person to whom you can show your real self and feelings is like gold dust.
Lords to turn red again on Friday
On Friday, the second day of the second Test between England and India, Lord’s will once again turn red for the Ruth Strauss Foundation’s annual #RedforRuth day. The Foundation was set up by Sir Andrew Strauss, in memory of his late wife, Ruth, who died of a non-smoking lung cancer, in December 2018.
When Ruth died, their children were only 10 and 13 years old — two of the 41,000 children who face the death of a parent annually. In the UK more than 23,600 parents with dependent children die each year. The charity believes that every family with a child facing the death of a parent should be offered professional, emotional support to prepare for the future.
This year’s #RedforRuth campaign will raise awareness of the foundation’s new Family Support Service, which provides much-needed pre-bereavement support for families with dependent children, where a parent is told they don’t have much longer to live, and helps families prepare for grief, death and dying. For more information about the day and the foundation, go to www.ruthstraussfoundation.com
