Dear Deidre
DEAR DEIDRE: My boyfriend went out to celebrate my pregnancy and had sex with another woman.
I really thought he was looking forward to being a dad so I’ve been completely blindsided by the discovery that he went behind my back at what should have been a special time.
I am 31 and my boyfriend is 33. We’ve been together for three years. He’s not my usual type and my friends even asked me what on earth I was doing when we began dating.
Still, I loved his impulsivity and passion and fell for him.
I was overjoyed when I discovered I was pregnant and hurt when soon after he became snappy with me.
Then I realised he never let his phone out of his sight. So I followed my instinct and went through his phone to discover there were messages to and from another woman.
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They were absolutely filthy. When I confronted him he tried to justify his behaviour by saying we were on a break at the time – but the dates didn’t add up.
I saw he’d been on three dates with her. The last one being a week after he knew about the baby. I left him and went to my parents, since then I’ve only seen him once when I popped back to our flat to get some belongings.
I know I will never forgive or probably forget. I simply don’t trust him. I am the product of parents staying together for the sake of the children - it was miserable.
I don’t want history to repeat itself. He has put no effort in to try and sort this out.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: To find out your boyfriend, someone you thought you had a future with cheated on you will understandably hurt.
You are right that, while trying to sort out a relationship for the sake of children is a very good reason, it is not enough to stay together, unless both partners are doing their best to improve their connection.
Now you need to decide whether it is possible to rebuild the intimacy and trust between you, or if you’d be better off ending it.
Please talk to your partner and ask him to be completely honest with you – if you believe he’s capable of that.
Nothing will excuse his behaviour but if you part, he will still have a legal obligation to provide for his child financially. My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help you decide.
Dear Deidre: Cheating and can you get over it