SELFISH CHOICES
Dad raised us after mum walked out when we were kids – we are still dealing with the fallout
Our mother has been telling everyone that she has no children
DEAR DEIDRE: MY mum is a force of nature – and a destructive one at that.
She walked out on my brother and I without a trace when we were 13 and 12 respectively, leaving our dad for someone else.
She reappeared two years later for a short period but then vanished again for years.
My dad did a good job of protecting us and keeping us on the straight and narrow.
This caused problems between my dad and my mum’s side of the family.
Amazingly, my brother and I always felt close to Mum’s relatives but recently we have discovered she has been telling them lies and those relationships are also becoming very strained.
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I’m now 42, a married man with two daughters. It always felt important to spend time with Mum’s family, I suppose I liked that connection on some level.
I thought our aunts, and uncles would alway sympathise with us after everything she has put us through, but recently they have been putting pressure on us to rekindle a relationship with her.
Their attitude has hurt my brother and I, especially as we have learned our mother has been telling everyone that she has no children.
It feels like we are being blamed for her selfish choices. Our mum is never going to change so what can we do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You had a tough start in life and what a sad situation this is.
Not only did your mother abandon you, but her family is also siding with her, so this must feel like yet more loss and rejection to cope with.
Unless your mum can acknowledge her past actions, a reconciliation seems almost impossible.
Accepting that she is unlikely to change might be the hardest thing you will do.
You will find understanding support through standalone.org.uk, who help adults estranged from family members.