My paranoia is driving my girlfriend away from me
DEAR DEIDRE: Even though I know my partner is faithful, I am paranoid she’s cheating on me.
Nothing she does or says stops me being insecure, and it’s ruining our relationship. I don’t want to be this person.
I’m 34 and she’s 30. We’ve been together for eight years.
She’s kind, affectionate, a great listener, and she’s never done anything to hurt me - but I am still insanely jealous.
Every time she goes out without me I am convinced she’s with another guy.
I check her social media, go through her handbag and, when she gets home, I even sniff her clothes to make sure I can’t smell another man’s aftershave.
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My constant messages about where she is, who she’s with and what she’s doing are driving her away.
She’s told me she can’t cope with it anymore. She says she can’t prove she’s innocent, when she hasn’t done anything.
She says I need to learn to trust her or there’s no future for us.
But I know she’s the woman I want to be with, marry and have kids with. The thought of losing her because of my stupid jealousy terrifies me.
How can I change?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Usually extreme jealousy stems from a past experience.
Perhaps a previous girlfriend cheated on you, or maybe you were betrayed or abandoned by someone close, when you were a child.
Getting to the root of this will help you to understand your jealousy, and then find ways to deal with your feelings.
My support pack, Dealing With Jealousy, explains more and tells you where to go for help.
Tell your girlfriend you are scared of losing her, you’re getting help to change and want her support.