Dear Deidre
DEAR DEIDRE: I have had more than 20 sexual experiences with married bisexual women or straight women who are experimenting.
While I’m an openly bisexual woman, aged 34, I’ve only had affairs with married women, not men, starting eight years ago.
It began when I met a woman via a dating app. We were together in a hotel after two dates.
I was shocked when she admitted the next day that she was married and had a child.
I felt guilty about sleeping with a married woman, but she explained I’d helped her explore that side of her sexuality and had been fantasising about being with a woman for years.
Afterwards, this woman kept texting, asking to meet again.
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When I agreed, we began an affair. She’d invite me to her home.
She warned me constantly that we’d have to be quick, in case her husband got home early, but what I looked forward to was the thrill of having to make a sharp exit and not get caught. This affair lasted almost a year.
Since then I’ve had plenty more experiences, mostly with women married to men.
Out of all the affairs I’ve had I think around eight husbands have found out about us.
These liaisons always end mutually and I have never found myself falling in love with any of these women.
I think I’m in it more for the thrills and excitement, rather than the relationships themselves.
I’m not proud that I’m destroying marriages. I need help as I’m struggling to stop having these affairs.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: If you are having affairs with women who are married, it could be because you are afraid of committing to a relationship.
The thrill of being caught may be exciting and feel as though you are living on the edge, but it is a dangerous game. You know the risks and the potential damage these affairs can cause.
If you grew up feeling a lack of love from your parents, as an adult, sex with women committed elsewhere gives you a quick-fix buzz of feeling wanted.
But while childhood may explain why you’re vulnerable, you’re grown up now. You make your own choices, you control your own behaviour.
It would help to talk this through with a counsellor and my support pack How Counselling Can Help explains more.
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