A Straight Woman Walks Into a Lesbian Bar… And Generates TikTok Controversy

If a straight woman goes to a lesbian bar without generating online discourse, did she really go to a lesbian bar? If you are lucky enough to be blissfully unxaware of very online queer drama, then I’m sorry to inform you that online conversations about whether heterosexual people belong in lesbian bars have been making the rounds on TikTok. How did it all start? How deep does this particular rabbit hole go? Do you even want to know? Of course you do.

Read on to learn more about the latest cursed queer talking point.

How did the lesbian bar TikTok drama start?

The controversy began on January 21, when TikTok content creator Lexi Stout shared a video recounting her first experience as a straight woman in a lesbian bar on a recent Friday night. Stout explained that although she regularly “goes to a gay male bar,” this was her first time visiting a lesbian establishment, and that she went at the invitation of a lesbian friend. In the video thumbnail, she clarified that the bar in question was New York City’s Cubbyhole Bar, which has been a lesbian staple in the West Village neighborhood since 1994.

Stout said that she was initially “living my best life” at Cubbyhole, until one of the straight men in Stout’s friend group came into the bar to say hello “for quite literally two minutes.”

As she recounted it, a woman at the bar soon approached her straight guy friend to ask him what he was doing there, “basically saying that my friend didn’t belong there.”

Stout went on to complain that the bar patron was seemingly weary of straight men's presence in the space, despite “the amount of very obviously flamboyantly gay men that were in that bar that were not being approached and yelled at.”

“She was not having it. She did not want him in that bar at all, and I get it,” Stout continued. “But, like, there’s no rules against that… But I was just curious. Are straight males not allowed to go to a lesbian bar?”

How did queer TikTokers respond?

Suffice it to say, queer TikTok wasn’t thrilled with Stout’s decision to make a video centering the feelings of a cis, straight guy who walked into one of the roughly 30 remaining lesbian bars in the country. Stitching the clip of Stout questioning whether straight men were allowed to go to a lesbian bar, TikTok user @fruitbbygirl responded, “No, they are not. And straight women who prioritize a man’s comfort over lesbian safety are also not welcome at the lesbian bar. I hope this helps!”

TikToker @ledollarbeanesq pointed out that the Cubbyhole, which is one of the three remaining lesbian bars in New York state, is only 200 square-feet and can fit a very limited number of people.

“Politics of straight people being in queer spaces at all aside, you can’t see why it would be a problem in a space as small as Cubbyhole for you two to be occupying what is otherwise space for queer women?” they asked.

TikTok user @lilfeistyfemme likened being invited to a queer space as a straight person to attending a wedding as a plus-one, adding, “Baby, you need to realize these places were not made for you. When you come to a gay space, you are a guest, and you need to behave accordingly.”

Meanwhile, TikToker @anniekabannie called attention to Stout’s description of the unnamed lesbian’s reaction to her friend as “dramatic.”

“You cannot say that you are an ally to a marginalized group of people and then, when someone who represents the oppressor shows up in a space that is solely dedicated as a safe space for that marginalized community, act confused when people within that marginalized community show aggression or hostility and maybe even a little bit of suspicion towards that person that represents the oppressor,” they said.

Did the lesbian bar patron respond?

Yes! On February 3, a TikTok user called @im.that.lesbian shared a video identifying herself as Katie, the bar patron Stout had mentioned in her original video. She went on to provide some additional context for what happened that night at Cubbyhole, explaining that she was there to celebrate a friend’s birthday and first encountered Stout’s straight male friend while waiting in line for the bathroom.

After tapping the man on the shoulder to let him know that he was standing in the way of the bathroom, Katie noted that he seemed “a little bit grumpy” and that she asked him, “Okay, dude. Are you even here with anyone? What are you doing at this bar?”

After the queer friend who had invited Stout to Cubbyhole confirmed that he was with their group, Katie says the ma came back up to her and asked, “Well, if I wasn’t here with someone, would that be a problem?”

When Katie replied that it would be a problem, she said that Stout and some other girls at the bar with her “all [jumped] at me, like, ‘What? Why would you say that? That’s so messed up.’”

“I want literally nothing to do with straight people, which is why I’m in Cubbyhole in the first place,” Katie continued, pointing out the uniquely queer space that bars like Cubbyhole provide to her and the rest of the community. “I have seen a lot of cis, straight guys come into this bar and cause problems. It’s a known thing… There are straight dudes that come into these bars specifically ’cause they’re trying to pick up girls. So I wasn’t trying to instigate anything. I was just trying to safety check.”

In a follow-up video, Katie said that after this altercation, she and her friend stepped outside the bar, where Stout was standing with her friends.

“The girl who posted the TikTok looked up at me and goes, ‘Oh, look. There’s that B- word again,’” she added. “They seem like they’re trying to start a fight with me.”

Although Katie and her friend left afterward, she noted that “it was a little scary because that situation could’ve gone a million different ways… I have been in similar situations where, candidly, something really bad did happen.”

Has Lexi Stout addressed the controversy?

For better or worse, yes. Stout brought up the controversy during a February 1 “get ready with me” video. She shared with her followers that she got less than six hours of sleep the night before, adding, “I’m also maybe a little stressed over the video that’s going viral on my page right now.”

“I didn’t mean any ill will by it, and the lesbians of TikTok are coming for me, and I’m sorry for that,” Stout continued.

Rather than expressing a desire to learn about being a better ally, she placed the blame on the aforementioned mean queers.

“I really just had a genuine question, and I didn’t know I was gonna get yelled at, bombarded, screamed at,” Stout said. “There’s lots of mean things going on in those comments.”

In short, don’t expect to see the content creator in a sapphic space again anytime soon.

“I have learned my lesson, and I will never be returning to a lesbian bar ever again, for good reason,” Stout added. “It’s plain and simple: It’s not a space for me.”

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