I got my first set of acrylics at eighteen. The deep blue, near-black nails were filed to a sharp, almond-shaped point, and I instantly felt like a bad bitch who could do anything and everything — except open soda cans and pick up cards off the floor.
I was something of a late bloomer compared to the girls I grew up around. Acrylics were a right of passage in East Flatbush, Brooklyn, meticulously maintained every two weeks by women in ‘hood nail shops and mall fixtures alike. My first set of acrylics also marked the end of a high school crush-turned-dumpster fire-turned-sexual awakening, and suddenly I was faced with two new truths: I loved women and acrylics, and I desperately wanted both. I vowed to keep them forever, but after a painfully awkward night with my first real college girlfriend, that promise was quickly cut short. While changing positions, she went left and I went right, which resulted in her bleeding, me crying from embarrassment, and my ripping the acrylics off the next day.
I stopped getting my nails done altogether for years after that, which helped my lesbian street cred but hurt the love affair I’d been developing with my chubby, dimply hands. After all, anyone who gets acrylics or nail extensions regularly can attest: a fresh set is sexy, and instantly makes your hands feel like something worthy of admiration.
“My acrylics make me feel powerful,” says Lauren Hilliard, a beauty enthusiast and YouTuber from Maryland who often sports ultra-long, intricate sets. “It speaks volumes to me that I’m a lesbian who wears long acrylic nails and I get shit done.” Erin Garnes, a content creator who identifies as pansexual, feels similarly, noting that she feels especially sexy when she’s mixing the traditionally femme aesthetic of acrylics with masculine clothes: “I like having my acrylics along with a beat face; it allows me to claim both masculinity and femininity.”
Besides being an aesthetic choice, acrylics carry cultural significance, too, and have long played a role in the beauty routines of black and brown women. For Karol Rodriguez, a New York City-based makeup artist who identifies as nonbinary, they’re a way for them to feel connected to their culture and neighborhood. “Acrylics, like nameplate necklaces, are a trademark in Latinx culture,” Rodriguez sys. “Every Latinx who wears acrylics remembers what it was like to long for them at a young age and watch their older sisters and moms get them.”
But acrylics aren’t readily associated with queerness, especially online, where memes and TikToks about short nails abound. In one video, a TikTok user jokingly proclaims she’s “quitting lesbianism,” tossing a pride flag, striped shirts, a harness for a strap-on, and nail clippers into a box. In another, a user tries to guess if someone’s she’s interested in is into girls, soundtracked to a mashup of mxmtoon’s “Prom Dress” interspersed with Lil Jon adlibs. At the caption “seeing she’s wearing cuffed jeans,” she mouths Lil Jon’s “OKAY!”; at “but long acrylic nails?” it’s “WHAT?” and a look of disbelief. The majority of the comments attempt to make sense of the nails. “She’s a bottom,” says one commenter; “I feel like my nails throw girls off!” says another. One user shares that she opts for two short nails when she gets her sets, a look that has been dubbed the “lesbian manicure.”
Short nails have become something of a lesbian calling card, used to separate tops from bottoms and studs from femmes. “I have a shaved head, piercings, tattoos, and acrylics most of the time, so people think I’m queer but maybe just a bottom,” says Rodriguez. “Either that or they just think I’m a really edgy straight person.” When they aren’t wearing acrylics, however, Rodriguez says they feel they “may as well have gay written on my forehead.” Not wearing acrylics also changes their self-perception and makes them feel more queer, especially when dating a woman or person with a vagina. “Not having acrylics does that for me,” they note.
Perceptions vary, however, among those with male-identified partners. Elijah Che, a nonbinary transfemme living in London, shared that their partners love the look of their nails, and even want them to wear the style. Rodriguez shared the sentiment, adding that while some men preferred natural nails to acrylics, others are attracted to the look and feel of the latter, especially during sex. Garnes, who still dates men occasionally, says she feels more inclined to wear acrylics when dating men because it won’t “affect them as much,” but she “loves a good set either way.”
Yet nobody I spoke with said that acrylics or nail extensions would deter them from having sex with a partner. “I don’t think acrylics would ever deter me from sleeping with someone,” Rodriguez shared. “But if finger play is in the cards, that’s something I’d have to red light or green light depending on the length and shape of them. Short oval [nails] and long pointy [ones] are real different.” And I mean, I get it. Knife-like nails approaching your nether regions can be intimidating, but there’s no medical reason to be afraid.
“Manicured nails with gels or acrylics are totally safe for penetrative sex,” says Jessie Cheung, MD, a cosmetic dermatologist who specializes in sexual wellness. While Dr. Cheung notes that “short and blunt nails are less traumatic and allow greater dexterity for fingerplay,” if you like the look of long nails, she recommends staying away from stiletto nails, which she says are “just really sharp claws.” This is because they can tear the paper-thin mucosa skin that lines the anus and vagina. If you like the look of long nails, Dr. Cheung suggests coffin shaped nails instead, a shape that’s less likely to cause cuts and tears.
But if you don’t want to sacrifice your creative expression, gloves are an option too. Dr. Cheung suggests trying a thin pair and adding some padding at the tips like cotton balls, which can help catch anything that could potentially fall off and get stuck inside. And like many things in life, it’s all about the angle. Finger positioning is key, says Dr. Cheung, adding that if done correctly, tearing or scratching shouldn’t occur. It’s also important to be mindful about nail hygiene: Long nails are notorious for trapping dirt and bacteria, so washing your hands before and after sex is a must. You should also be mindful about your nails lifting, cracking or breaking, and avoid penetrating with those if possible (your best bet is to remove the nail altogether). If your partner still doesn’t feel comfortable with the idea of being penetrated with extensions, toys are always an option, too.
Ultimately, it comes down to communication between partners, and being vocal about if and when something doesn’t feel right. Because in my experience, when you know, you know. My girlfriend was quick to alert me that I’d done something wrong, and after the initial embarrassment and shock, everything (thankfully) healed up just fine on its own.
**Get the best of what's queer. **Sign up for our weekly newsletter here.