Lena Dunham Claims She Ate an Entire Cheesecake After Doing Poppers

This seemingly endless year has already burdened us with so many terrible things: a global pandemic, the worst economic downturn in nearly 100 years, and the continued existence of Donald Trump’s children (who seem to be very into cosplaying as Rolf from The Sound of Music). Now 2020 has added one more item to that list of undesirables — a cursed Lena Dunham anecdote about poppers.

A clip of the Girls creator’s recent appearance on Watch What Happens Live began circulating on Twitter over the weekend, in which she regaled host Andy Cohen with a far-fetched yarn about amyl nitrate. The interlude began with Cohen informing singer Dua Lipa, who appeared on the Bravo talk show alongside Dunham, that her Future Nostalgia single “Hallucinate” (a two-Michelin-star-rated bop) was mistaken by her gay fanbase as an ode to the recreational inhalant — a party drug dating back to the disco era that doubles as an aphrodisiac and anal sphincter relaxant.

After Lipa confessed she was not aware of this, Dunham barreled headfirst into the conversation with an unrequested reminiscence about millennial misadventures, as is her way.

“I think you’ll appreciate this, Andy,” the 34-year-old writer and director said. “The one time I did poppers — because you know I love to surround myself with beautiful homosexuals — the one time I tried poppers in my early 20s, it led to me eating a whole cheesecake.”

Setting the fact that “beautiful homosexuals” is like the way your grandmother describes the male hairstylists at her salon, the story raises some red flags. According to the Alcohol and Drug Foundation, the side effects of poppers include dizziness, feeling flush in the face, headaches, blurred vision, an elevated heart rate, and occasionally nose bleeds, given that the drug is typically inhaled through the nostrils. More to the point, the Mayo Clinic adds that poppers usage sometimes results in nausea and vomiting, making it unlikely that someone would want to ingest any amount of cheesecake, let alone an entire cheesecake.

Given that the story made about as much sense as whatever Grimes and Elon Musk are calling their extraterrestrial offspring today, Twitter smelled something fishy. Accusing Dunham of lying, comedian Corie Johnson claimed that “neither Andy nor Dua believed her and [you] could tell.” Others were equally unimpressed.

Cohen did, indeed, point out that Dunham’s adorkable tale didn’t quite add up — given that poppers, unlike alcohol and marjijuana, is not an appetite stimulant. “I’ve never gotten hungry from poppers,” he said. “I just have to say.” Lipa, ever the polite pop icon, did not respond to the story; instead she simply tilted her head and gave a look of bemused disbelief before breaking out into laughter.

To Dunham’s dubious credit, she claimed that her cheesecake consumption was not a direct result of amyl nitrate. “I don’t think that’s what’s supposed to happen,” she said. Dunham clarified that her desire to eat a plate full of dairy was a byproduct of the fact that no one wanted to have poppers nookie with her.

“There was no one around who was interested in doing the other thing with me,” she said, as Cohen quickly moved onto another topic.

This isn’t Dunham’s first foray into trending on Twitter in the bad way. Her HBO show, Girls, became a flashpoint for conversations about racial diversity in television after it was criticized for having a nearly all-white cast, despite taking place in New York City. She also apologized after falsely claiming NFL player Odell Beckham Jr. sexually rejected her at the Met Gala, even though they had never spoken, and in 2017, she accused actress Aurora Perrineau of lying about sexual assault allegations against Girls writer Murray Miller.

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