Many of us will mark the end of the year with gift exchanges, intimate dinner parties, and cross-country travel. If you aren’t in the position to spend time with your blood family, however, this time of year can be an isolating time. That’s why having a chosen queer family is so important.
Through thick and thin — and no matter how badly you sing at karaoke — your chosen family will be there to support you, providing you with a sense of safety and comfort you might not always get from your biological family. So if you’re on your own for the holidays, you don’t have to feel disconnected from all the fun. Instead, this can be a chance for you and your loved ones to celebrate on your own terms.
You can go have a big night out in the town, organize an elaborate feast, or if we’re being honest about our energy levels, gather around the TV.
But what to watch? Although we’re living in an age of infinite content, it’s still not super easy to find TV shows and movies that would be relatable to a diverse group of queer friends. (Seems like Hollywood still hasn’t gotten the memo that LGBTQ+ people do, in fact, all hang out together, instead of splintering off into sleeper cells to infiltrate straight friend groups.)
We’ve compiled a short list of movies and TV shows about queer friendships that have it all: up and downs; laughter and weeping; from “this is a little messy” to “it’s so bad it’s good.” Pour yourself a glass of Eggnog (or the sweet holiday beverage of your choice), get cozy, and stream something with your friends.
Shot entirely on an iPhone 5S, Sean Baker’s offbeat take on a Christmas film chronicles the misadventures of two transgender sex workers Alexandra (Mya Taylor) and Sin-Dee-Rella (Kitana Kiki Rodriguez) in West Hollywood. At a donut shop, Alexandra informs Sin-Dee-Rella that her pimp and boyfriend had been unfaithful while she was away in prison, prompting a series of hijinks that takes the pair all across the neon streets of Los Angeles. In addition to its innovative film-making techniques and frank, unpatronizing perspective on sex work, it’s also an incredible, comedic thrill ride.
Starring the very talented Justice Smith as Chester, a troubled but charismatic queer water polo player, this HBO Max dramedy follows a crew of queer high schoolers in a gay-straight alliance club. Generation is notable for depicting LGBTQ+ youth as they navigate their sexuality and gender identity without succumbing to sensationalist clichés and melodrama. It depicts the awkwardness of adolescence with refreshing honesty, exploring what it’s actually like to go on a first date, to meet other people who also feel like outsiders, or to live with close-minded parents. In turns funny and heartbreaking, the series captures how those early queer friendships can be absolutely vital during intense and formative periods of your life. Unfortunately, HBO Max canceled the series after one season in September, and removed it from the streamer altogether in 2022, but it’s now available to watch on the free streaming service Tubi.
Happiest Season tells the story of Abby (Kristen Stewart) and Harper (Mackenie Davis), a happy lesbian couple who are meeting the latter’s parents for the first time during Christmas. Without giving too much away, it’s revealed early on in the film that Harper hasn’t come out to her family yet and is still pulling the tired “this is just my roommate” card, leaving Abby in a very uncomfortable situation.
Though it’s largely a by-the-numbers holiday movie with a queer twist, it’s pretty entertaining and doesn’t sugarcoat the experience of coming out. (Yes, we have come a long way, but each family and situation is different.) Happiest Season also shows the power of the bonds queer people form with each other in the face of social conservatism. Perhaps the highlight of the film, Abby enjoys a running comedic rapport with her queer friend John (Dan Levy) who isn’t afraid to tell her that she’s in over her head.
When it came out in 1999, But I’m A Cheerleader wasn’t embraced by critics, nor by the box office. But over time, the quirky comedy about a conversion therapy camp has become a queer cult classic. After her parents suspect she’s a lesbian because of her disinterest in men and affinity for tofu, Megan (Natasha Lyonne), an almost archetypal cheerleader, is sent away to a pastel-colored Christian camp staffed by none other than RuPaul who plays an ex-gay, trying-very-hard-to-be-macho coach named Mike (the performance of a lifetime!). Megan finds romance and friendship with the other queer people there and, eventually, meets conversion therapy survivors who help her on her path to authenticity. Director Jamie Rabbit aimed to create the gay version of Clueless and years later, her film holds up just as well as Paul Rudd’s face.
In a similar vein to Queer as Folk and The L Word, Looking is a comedy-drama that folllows a group of queer friends figuring out how to make it in the big city. Set in San Francisco, the show contrasts the city’s queer history with its rapidly gentrifying present. Created by Andrew Haigh, director of the indie darling Weekend, Looking delves into the more quotidian aspects of day-to-day queer life and covers a myriad of topics: open relationships, HIV status, dating apps, and more. Though it was canceled after only two seasons, there’s a charming follow-up film, which takes place over the course of a weekend, tying up loose ends and offering closure for fans.
This 2014 film tells the true story of LGSMC (the Lesbians and Gays Support the Miners Campaign). In 1984, a group of gay and lesbian activists mobilized in support of the British miners’ strike and helped them with their fight against Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, who was aggressively anti-union and pro-privatization. During the film’s touching climax, miners show up to a Gay Pride Parade in London to express their gratitude — a public reversal of their position after the miners’ union initially refused LGSMC’s support. Pride explores the power of solidarity between marginalized groups, the onset of the AIDS crisis, and the necessity of queer friendship.
One of the most persistent tropes of queer representation is the Gay Best Friend. Sassy and fierce, they exist solely to validate the female protagonist’s fabulousness and are rarely a fully fleshed out character of their own. The 2013 comedy G.B.F. satirizes that dynamic by depicting one suburban high school where a gay best friend has become the trendiest accessory for all the popular girls.
Brent (Paul Iacano) tries to come out at prom so he can accrue social capital as the first out and proud homosexual at his high school. But his plan is thwarted when Tanner (Michael J. Willett) , his also-closeted best friend, reveals his own identity to all of his classmates. The duo end up having a falling-out and Tanner gets swooped by the Plastics 2.0. Shortly afterward, the mean girls give him a deliciously cringe makeover so he can embody their cliché expectations for a G.B.F.
Ultimately, Tanner and Brent realize that what they are seeking isn’t validation from the heterosexual world but companionship from someone who can actually understand their lived experience. Directed by Jawbreaker’s Darren Stein, the teen comedy is campy, unforgiving, and smart.
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