The term “sex worker” defines a range of people: escorts, erotic artists and entertainers, pornstars, pornographers, professional dominants and dominatrixes, paid companions, models, and anyone who creates and sells erotic content.
To kick whorephobic opinions in the teeth out of the gate, let me say that sex work is real work. For transparency, I’m an occasional boyfriend-for-hire, so I’d be considered a sex worker. We are often de-facto sex educators in global cultures that largely fail to teach adequate sex ed. We illuminate and advance dialogues surrounding sex and health and provide millions of people every day with life’s greatest gifts — intimacy, connection.
Yet despite the necessary work we do, we are criminalized by draconian and sex-negative laws, marginalized and attacked by online censorship, subjected regularly to police brutality and violence, and incarcerated in racist, for-profit prison systems. We are not protected by any institution and have alarmingly few allies in the non-profit sector.
Why sex toys? Because we are part of a quiet revolution happening in the pleasure business. Socially, more people are exposed to sex toys — and talking about them — than ever before, and in ways that are actually sex-positive and pro-pleasure. My most common client request is for me to use — and teach them about — my toys.
The sex toy industry is modernizing. The toy boom of the late-‘70s established the market with lowbrow kitsch: gaudy packaging, leopard print, bright colors. Building up courage to step in a dingy sex shop — the kind with mannequins in cheap lingerie in the window — was a rite of passage for many of us. But most products we found there were (and are) poorly made, aggressively gendered, and inaccessible to those with disabilities.
The online, direct-to-consumer sex toy industry is changing that. We now have an onslought of new brands — and some tried-and-true established ones, many of them queer-owned and women-owned — creating better products.
What do the sexperts love? Ask them.
(As goes without saying, links in this post may be NSFW. Content warning: discussion of BDSM and self-harm below.)
Bryan Knight (he/him)
Twitter: @BryanKnight66
Bryan Knight is a professional male companion in New York City. A self-described bear, Bryan’s fun, illustrated website says he is over 6 feet tall and 300 lbs. Daddy!
Bryan tells them. that he has been in the business for over ten years and produces a comic book series about male sex workers. “Outside of sex and intimacy, I travel with my entourage of imaginary animals,” he tells them.
“I bought this vibrator at a sex shop in Provincetown, Massachusetts in June of 2016. The insert and arm vibrated, pulsed, and flexed. It was good for stimulating the prostate and the perineum, and it was small enough for most players but challenging enough to feel satisfying.”
Knight does not remember the brand but showed me a picture. I dug around and learned it’s the Mr. Rabbit from Satisfyer and is actually designed for vaginal and clitoral stimulation. This, if anything, proves how ridiculous it is to gender small vibrating objects. If it makes you feel good, it does the job.
Danika Deep (she/her)
Twitter: @DanikaDeep
Danika is a trans sex worker based in Australia. “I began operating in the adult industry at age 19,” she tells them. “I began my working life as a professional dominatrix in Sydney and was active for about ten years before taking a two-year hiatus.”
Danika later re-entered the business with a focus on vanilla (non-kinky) escorting. “I still very much enjoy indulging my kinks and fetishes,” she says — but not with clients.
“My favorite sex toy is my enema/douche kit. Essentially it is a hose connected to my shower that I use to cleanse my rectum and colon. Being very fond of anal sex, it plays a vital role in my sex life, facilitating clean, comfortable, and uninterrupted fun.”
There are many different enemas and douches out there; mine is a similar one — I got it from the queer-owned fetish supplier Fort Troff. (Full disclosure: I am a freelance copywriter for Fort Troff and was given this product three years ago.)
Miss Winters (she/her)
Twitter: @sweetly_cruel
Miss Winters is a bisexual findomme from the Netherlands. “Findom is domination through finances. In this world, money is power. By giving me money, my subs enrich my life and give me power, even outside the sessions I have with them,” she tells them. “Finsubs experience sexual pleasure from the act of paying me. They don't pay for content or sessions or time — they pay because I allow them to serve me that way.”
“Whether it's video calling, texting, or buying content, online sex work is a great solution during social distancing. Many submissives seek out an online financial dominant during these times. My favorite toy is, therefore, the Qiui Cellmate, a chastity cage that allows me to lock my subs in chastity from a distance.”
RopeTrainKeep (he/him)
Twitter: @RopeTrainKeep
This sweet gentleman is a gay bondage dominant in Portland, Oregon. “I’ve been exploring bondage and power transfer for over 20 years,” he tells them. “Over the last ten years, I’ve been recording most of my bondage sessions, which can be seen on my fan pages and my Twitter. I hope that what I create has a positive influence on the LGBTQ+ BDSM community, as I see myself as a bondage Dom with a love message.”
“My favorite sex toy would have to be hemp rope. It’s the most versatile option if you are a bondage player — plus it’s relatively cheap. Using rope bondage in your sex play is a beautiful game where vulnerability and trust are explored. It’s always personal to tie up someone you are excited about. It takes time — it’s deliberate. It allows both players to be in their own heads while still intensely connected to each other.”
deGiotto Rope — a brand specializing in bondage rope — carries many hemp rope options.
Tony Bishop (he/him)
Twitter: @TonyBishopXXX
Tony Bishop is Manhattan-based and describes himself as “an educated, well-rounded sexual empath helping people achieve their fantasies.”
“My favorite sex toy is one of my many heavy Gear Essentials cock rings. I never leave home without it. The weight of it feels good on me no matter what I'm doing.”
Gear Essentials has a fun and helpful blog showcasing how their products can be enjoyed.
Tentaclegirl (she/her, they/them)
Twitter: @Whorrorer
Tentaclegirl is based in Seattle, Washington and describes herself as a transgender sex worker and social activist. “I don’t half-ass anything,” they tell them., “especially when it comes to dishing out pain and orgasms.”
I asked Tentaclegirl to speak about her experience in sex work as a trans woman. “Sex work has been a rollercoaster, to be honest. At times it has been wildly validating — other times, very painful. I’ve experienced physical attacks, slurs, and assault,” they tell them. “Most of my clients are cisgender straight men, so there's always this air that my body — and my existence — is only okay as long as it's being fetishized.”
Favorite sex toy: “Needles. Specifically, 16g - 20g needles for needle play. I've struggled with self-harm all my life and often disassociate after a long day of sex work, so penetration is not always what I need to get off, no matter how much I love it. Instead, the intimate nature of giving someone consent to harm me in ways I'd normally let no one do is extremely pleasurable and satisfying. The same goes for getting to top others in needle play — it means so much to me that I would be trusted to create beautiful art on someone's skin.”
Tentaclegirl asked me to link to their OnlyFans. Here is some info about needle play. For safety, only sterilized medical needles should be used — here are some 20 - 27 gauge needles designed for body piercing from Painful Pleasures which specializes in tattoo and piercing supplies.
Sir Malice Christian (he/him/his)
Twitter: @MaliceOfNY
Sir Malice is “a proud Black gay cisgender sex worker in New York City,” he tells them. “I served as a Marine from 2004 to 2008, and once a Marine, always a Marine.” Sir Malice has become increasingly into heavy bondage.
Favorite Sex Toy:
“I love jute rope. I love its smell and the coarse feeling against the skin. I recently invested in synthetic jute because it’s easier to clean. I’ve been into bondage actively for two years but I feel like I just recently got good at it. I feel like the most elevated area of bondage is suspension bondage and I did my first suspension back in November.”
deGiotto Rope also carries jute bondage rope, but you can find it at Esinem Rope and dozens of retailers online.
Mr. Kristofer Weston (he/him)
Twitter: @KristoferWeston
Mr. Kristofer Weston is a professional dominant daddy in San Francisco and model at MrKristofer.ismyguy.com. He co-hosts the sex-positive informational YouTube channel WattsTheSafeword with his awesome pup, Amp.
“Currently, my favorite sex toy is this e-stim vibe dildo. It’s the perfect toy for finishing off a scene with a client that may be having a hard time cumming. It is the only toy that has electricity and vibration with no power box that requires connecting cables. USB chargeable, the electricity causes your ass to contract involuntarily while sending jolts to stimulate the prostate. Then you add vibration and it sends the sub into ecstasy. It is my never-fail toy.”
This toy is carried by Mr. S Leather, an internationally-recognized leather and fetish supplier in San Francisco.
Kat Black (she/her)
Twitter: @sexxxubus
Kat Black describes herself as “a full-service sex worker, makeup artist, and all-around professional slut.” She’s from South Carolina but lives in New Jersey and has worked everywhere in the U.S. She is pansexual and polyamorous and asked me to include her links.
“My absolute favorite, must-have sex toy is a vibrating wand. Clitoral stimulation is key for me to have the most powerful, mind-bending orgasms possible. It also helps so much with anal sex and makes it truly enjoyable whereas without it it's merely tolerable. I would marry my vibrator if I could.”
She doesn’t remember the brand — ”I got it so long ago at a random sex shop” — but she recommends Hitachi, a famous maker of vibrating wands.
Matt Spike (he/him/his)
Matt Spike is a London-based gay fetish photographer and filmmaker. “As an artist, the fuel in my engine is the drive to create kinky art and push it further than imaginable,” he tells them. “I started working as a leather escort at 22 years old. At that time, not many young kids were domming” — taking the dominant role in kinky sex — “and my mind was still young and got warped quickly by exposure to fantasies of death, suffering, humiliation, exhibition, and voyeurism.”
“My favorite sex toy is this E-stim cock and ball stimulator. I love to use this device on myself and others. It sends an adjustable electric current around the base of the cock and balls and into the shaft. It can be used for self-pleasure or as part of a sub/dom CBT ritual, where it can be remote-controlled to be used to keep a sub on the edge of orgasm for a very long time.”
This toy is carried by MEO, a German fetish and BDSM supplier.
Buck Angel (Buck chooses not to disclose pronouns)
Twitter: @BuckAngel
Buck Angel is an adult film actor and producer, sex educator, motivational speaker, trans activist, and general lovely gentleman who has made appearances everywhere from HBO and Netflix to pieces in outlets like the New York Times, and many others — including, obviously, them.
He served on the board of directors of the Woodhull Freedom Foundation, a non-profit “devoted to education and public advocacy in support of the principle that consensual sexual expression is a fundamental human right,” from 2010 to 2016. He described himself as “a Human Rights activist, Tranpa, inventor, and entrepreneur.”
“I created the first sex toy for transgender men. It's called the BUCK OFF. It is a masturbation sleeve that fits over trans male genitalia, specifically the enlarged clitoris, which happens from testosterone use. This sleeve was created to help alleviate dysphoria in the genitals of trans men who have not had bottom surgery. The reason this is my favorite sex toy is that many trans men have told me it has changed their lives. As an inventor of sex toys for a marginalized group, it means everything to me to see trans men learning to love their bodies through sex.”
The BUCK OFF was created with toymaker Perfect Fit Brand, which supplies sex toys and gear to shops all over the world.
Luke Hudson (he/him)
Twitter: @lukehudsonXXX
Luke Hudson — a gay and trans adult performer — is the first FTM performer on Men.com, a popular gay porn studio.
“I’ve been in porn for four years and pleasuring myself since god knows when. My sexuality started with myself before anyone else and sex with myself is still very important to me. For both Uncle Buck (Buck Angel) and Fort Troff, I’ve modeled sex toys. In my time in the industry, I’ve met a wide variety of things to stick on my various holes or rub on my clit. My favorite go-to by far is the Hitachi Magic Wand. A favorite for lots of people, the wand has been around since the late 1960s. It’s got two settings; stun and destroy. For me, all it takes are some happy thoughts and even just the lower setting to have an explosive orgasm. The fact that it’s a plugin assures me it’s not gonna bow out on me in the middle of a long session, and the lack of lube means I can just pull my pants back up and move on with my day.”
34-San (he/him)
Twitter: @34sanart
Bisexual, polyamorous artist 34-San has been creating digital erotic art for over 13 years. “I always had an interest in working in comic books or entertainment,” he tells them., “so my way of practicing was just fielding art requests across the forums I was on.” Today, he creates porn with characters more traditionally associated with erotic fantasy and sci-fi.
“If I'm going by pure sensation, I'd honestly say the clit-tickling rabbit vibrator my girlfriend uses. We tend to go for a long time and since we'll sometimes both fap to climax to finish ourselves off. I'll sometimes borrow her vibrator for some assisted head stimulation. I've really liked fleshlights and penis-specific sex toys in the past, but lately with my girlfriend, I do find myself using whatever she's just had on hand.”
He’s not sure who makes the vibrator his girlfriend is currently enjoying. The name I’ve heard repeatedly praised by so many people with clitorises is luxury toymaker LELO; here’s one example of a clit-tickling vibrator they carry.
But bear in mind, 34-San could be enjoying a very different (and cheaper) vibrator. You don’t have to break the bank to have great sex toys, but if you need something soft and hypoallergeic (for, say, sensitive skin or anal play), you should invest in buying toys made of premium silicone and other high-grade materials which are better for you skin and holes than TPR and TPE (what most cheap dildos are made of).
Eva Oh, aka Mistress Eva (she/her)
Twitter: @youwillpleaseme
Mistress Eva is an international professional dominatrix and the creator of “the world’s first BDSM slave training platform, youwillpleaseme.com,” she tells them. “I also created the Safeword Podcast and the #teakink web series.” See more at eva-oh.com (NSFW).
“My cages are my most prized physical toys and tools. I have them built into the ground and walls of my house. I also own standalone ones that I enjoy suspending from my ceiling. They turn my human playthings into vulnerable objects for my amusement and they help to build trust, longing, and desire between us.”
Like Mistress Eva, many kinky folks build their own cages (or have them built), but if you’re looking to buy, I recommend Fetters of London.
Rachael Rose (she/her)
Rose is a queer, chronically ill and disabled sex coach and educator, and the founder of Hedonish.com. Her work focuses on an inclusive, sex-positive, and pleasure-focused approach to sex education and the intersections of chronic illness, disability, and sex. As a sex educator, sex workers depend on experts like her and her work is extremely necessary.
Rose has been featured in Teen Vogue, Bustle, and Sexual Health Magazine and has taught at events all over the country. She is the co-creator of Glittergasm Events, which create inclusive and accessible queer play parties.
“The Doxy Die Cast Wand Vibrator is the toy that never gets unplugged in my bedroom — it's by far my favorite toy (although I'd consider lube a close second favorite). Being chronically ill impacts my sex life in so many ways at different points in time. I've been on medications that made it hard to orgasm, struggled with vulvodynia for a few years, etc. and strong, rumbly wand vibrators are probably one of the few toys that consistently work for me. They're strong enough to use through clothing if I want to, precise enough to avoid areas that hurt, and for me, usually feel good even on days where a lot of other physical contact doesn't. They're also great to use with partners, regardless of what bits they have.”
Doxy is a famous maker of massage wands — check them out.
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