This is a reminder on this Father’s Day that children need their fathers. Research tells us this as well as our human experience.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in 2023, 17.8 million children, nearly 1 in 4, live without a biological, step or adoptive father in the home.
The negative impacts of fatherlessness can be felt in homes, schools, hospitals and prisons in every community across America. Those deleterious effects are impacting a quarter of our children’s futures.
Most research focuses on two major causes for the growth in fatherlessness since the early 1960’s: divorce and out-of-wedlock births. As of 2011, nearly 1 in 2 children in single-mother homes live with mothers who have never been married. Four decades ago, that figure was 1 in 16. (There is good news in that the rate of divorces in the United States has declined since it peaked in the 1990s.)
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Research shows that individuals growing up in a fatherless home are more likely to have behavioral problems, more likely to use drugs and alcohol, have an increased risk of facing abuse and neglect, and are more likely to drop out of school.
Fatherless boys are more likely to commit crime and go to prison and fatherless girls are more likely to become pregnant as teens.
Children in father-absent homes are also almost four times more likely to be poor. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services cites those children are living with a poverty rate of 47.6 percent, over four times the rate in married-couple families.
Inspirational speaker Q. Moore is the author of the book, “F My Dad” (Not f-word you might think): “Overcoming the Anger, Rage, and Pain of being Fatherless.” He shared with me some thoughts he had about Father’s Day.
“Growing up, I hated Father’s Day,” he told me via email. “It made me very sad as a child, and very angry as a teen and young adult. The feeling of being abandoned and rejected by your father is something that is not only difficult to explain, but for many people, extremely hard to process.
“Most of the time,” he continued, “I felt like I wasn’t good enough for him and that he went on with his life without me. Abandonment + Rejection = Pain.
“Many times, as a young adult, I might’ve turned to alcohol or drugs to self-medicate, but all of us know that high and escape is only temporary.”
While the statistics above are grim, the opposite is also true. A father’s presence can make a positive difference in the lives of both their children and their mothers.
Paul Amato, Ph.D., a sociologist who studies parent-child relationships at Pennsylvania State University, writes that, “When fathers are actively involved with their children, children do better.”
The benefit of having an engaged dad is called “The Father Effect.” Children who have close relationships with their fathers or father figures are more likely to have high-paying jobs, healthier relationships in adulthood, and are less likely to engage in high-risk behaviors.
These children also benefit physically, academically and emotionally. They tend to have higher IQ test scores by the age of 3, have lower rates of obesity, and experience fewer psychological problems throughout their lives.
There are resources available to both individual dads and communities that foster engaged fathers. Two such organizations are The National Fatherhood Initiative and The National Center for Fathering (NCF).
The NCF emboldens dads with the mantra, “I can be a better father.” It suggests there are four key fundamentals of fathering: the “I-CANs.” I is for involvement and spending time with your kids; C is for consistency; A is for awareness and actively seeking to know your children and their world; N represents nurturance, which is expressing love to your child.
These associations also empower communities and partnering orgs by encouraging fatherhood initiatives and providing programs, training and comprehensive resources.
Moore has turned his fatherhood journey around. “It wasn’t until I had my own children and how I knew that I would give my life for them, that Father’s Day truly meant something,” he told me. “I love getting cards from my children with their kind words of thanks and gratefulness for being their dad.
“If they only knew that in my heart, it is my absolute honor to be their father. Forgiving my father was the key and embracing the love of my own children is the reward.”
The National Fatherhood Initiative does its work because, as the group puts it, “Every child deserves a 24:7 Dad.” But if you have had the unfortunate experience of growing up without one, may you find peace, freedom and forgiveness this Father’s Day.
Schmidt is a Post-Dispatch columnist and Editorial Board member. SchmidtOpinions@gmail.com. On X: @SchmidtOpinions.