Opinion |

When a kiss is more than “just a kiss”

Movie lovers fondly remember the scene in Casablanca when Sam is coaxed by Ilsa to sing “As Time Goes By.” The song begins with these words: “You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh. The fundamental things apply, as time goes by.”

For Luis Rubiales, president of the Spanish Football Federation, “just a kiss” has caused a global uproar. Rubiales — caught up in the excitement of Spain’s first-ever victory in the Women’s World Cup — kissed team player Jenni Hermoso on the lips at the medal presentation.

Despite his assertions to the contrary, Hermoso said Rubiales’ behavior made her feel uncomfortable and violated. She didn’t know him personally.

Yet somehow, Rubiales thought it appropriate to make jokes about marrying Hermoso. In dressing-room footage, shared by the players, Rubiales is seen with his arm around her. There, he announced a trip to Ibiza for the team, where “we will celebrate the wedding of Jenni and Luis Rubiales.”

FIFA, the world governing body of football, reacted to the controversy by suspending Rubiales from all football-related activities for 90 days, while disciplinary proceedings are under way. In 2019, FIFA amended its code of ethics to include “severe sanctions for sexual harassment, abuse and exploitation.”

Rubiales has defended his actions as a spontaneous expression of joy and affection. He called his critics “idiots, losers, and dumb – – – – -,” according to several accounts.

In The Guardian, Ashifa Kassam wrote that Rubiales “left many Spaniards in shock” following an emergency meeting of the football federation, where he was widely expected to announce his departure. Instead, she explained, Rubiales defiantly declared, “I will not resign” five times. He portrayed himself as the victim, denouncing “false feminism” and recasting the kiss as a peck.

The more Rubiales digs in, the more he is vilified. The entire World Cup-winning squad supported Hermoso’s statement, refusing to play again until Rubiales’ removal. All but one of the team’s coaches resigned in protest. The last holdout — Jorge Vilda — recently called Rubiales’ behavior “inappropriate and unacceptable.” Government officials, media, team sponsors, and football fans across Spain and around the world have joined the chorus of condemnation.

The episode follows a pattern of behavior that’s practically been normalized: powerful men who exert control over women — sometimes in unthinkable ways — and believe their advances are wanted, if not invited. There is never an apology, only defiance; the woman and her supporters are always wrong. Rubiales himself has claimed that Hermoso initiated their exchange.

Some have called the outrage an overreaction. If you’ve seen the video, the kiss in question was indeed a peck. But that misses the point in these very different times.

I’m convinced that the whole thing would have blown over had Rubiales stepped forward, admitted his wrongdoing, and apologized to Hermoso and her teammates. A show of humility and remorse would have gone a long way toward assuaging the public.

But good sense doesn’t seem to be in Rubiales’ DNA — and the kiss wasn’t just a momentary indiscretion. Immediately after Spain’s victory, Rubiales had also grabbed his crotch in a victory gesture. That occurred with 16-year-old Princess Infanta Sofía and Queen Letizia of Spain standing nearby.

The Guardian’s headline captured the kiss, and its aftermath, perfectly: “Ego above dignity.”

In an interview with Reuters on Wednesday, Equality Minister Irene Montero said that Spanish society must break a “pact of silence” and stop normalizing sexist behavior — and instead, support women who are brave enough to speak out when it happens. She expressed hope that the furor will serve as an inflection point in the fight against sexism in Spain.

Already, #SeAcabó (Spanish for “It’s over”) is trending across Spanish social media. Women have started using the hashtag to spotlight their mistreatment by men. But according to Reuters, the topic isn’t new: In the past several years, tens of thousands of Spanish women have taken part in street marches protesting persistent sexual abuse and violence.

The government, for its part, has initiated legal proceedings to remove Rubiales from his post, invoking a law that allows them to intervene in sports federations when there are serious irregularities or breaches of public order. But as Reuters reported, the case will be closed if Hermoso doesn’t file a formal complaint.

As the highest representative of Spanish football, Rubiales should resign. His actions have stained a World Cup victory that’s been lauded as a historic achievement for the women’s team, in a match that drew a record global audience of more than 1.2 billion viewers.

Unfortunately, we’ve seen this movie before: a woman’s glory obscured by a selfish man.

Dinkin is president of the National Conflict Resolution Center, a San Diego-based group working to create solutions to challenging issues, including intolerance and incivility. To learn about NCRC’s programming, visit ncrconline.com