Opinion |

Escalating conflict a blight on park experience

A couple of weeks ago, I gave the keynote speech at the California Park & Recreation Society conference here in San Diego. More than 1,600 park and recreation professionals from around California attended. Most of them interact with the public daily.

I was invited to speak because conflict, as it turns out, is as common in parks today as bugs.

Yet our lives are so enriched by parks. We visit them to connect with nature, to hike or swim, to gather with family and friends. The trees alone have tremendous benefits, cooling us and purifying the air. At a park, our identity and beliefs don’t matter.

Visitor misbehavior has a way of upsetting that idyllic image (and park employees, too). It started during the pandemic, when enjoying the great outdoors was one of the few things we were allowed to do. For some, it signaled permission to exercise their rights in whatever way they wanted.

Last November, Washington Post travel writer Hannah Sampson offered a list of the eight ways to be the “absolute worst” park visitor. While some of the misbehavior she described was national park-specific (like hitting a golf ball into the Grand Canyon), the list also included things that are happening in parks up and down our state: people disturbing wildlife, leaving their garbage behind, going off-trail and trampling park grounds, and driving carelessly.

While disappointing, the misbehavior is unsurprising. After all, parks are a microcosm of society — and we are living in a time of rampant entitlement and disregard for others. If you’ve been to a park lately, you may recognize some of the mischief on Sampson’s list.

But who would have imagined that pickleball would become a contentious issue? Last year, the Union-Tribune ran a story about a battle between pickleball and tennis players over scarce parkland in San Diego, which “escalated into shouting matches at crowded public hearings, closed-door meetings at City Hall and accusations of unethical behavior by both sides.”

The topic of my CPRS speech was “Handling Challenging Conversations with a Polarized Public.” I shared three principles that are foundational to the training we do at the National Conflict Resolution Center. The acronym we use is ART: active awareness, respond respectfully and troubleshoot together.

Much of what I talked about that morning is useful for all of us in our daily lives.

Understanding (and owning up to) your personal biases is an essential part of active awareness. Bias can get in the way of identifying a person’s underlying needs. Imagine a tree: the trunk, the branches, the leaves. It’s what people talk about when they are dissatisfied — their gripes. Below ground is what can’t be seen — the underlying needs that really matter.

But identifying those needs isn’t easy, especially in a quick interaction. One sure way of “blowing it” is using phrases that escalate. The audience laughed (uncomfortably) as I went through the list, no doubt finding it familiar: “Come here! Calm down! Do you know what you did wrong? You can’t do that! I’m not going to say this again!”

Don’t parents utter these very phrases to their kids, and with varying levels of effectiveness? No wonder they fall flat when used by park employees, often at the worse time — when emotions are high and judgment is low.

Rather than giving a command, successful conflict resolution requires the opposite action: to pay attention and listen actively. It’s at the core of responding respectfully and helps people calm down. It also builds trust. Active listening is a skill all of us could stand to sharpen, to improve our interactions at work, in community and even at the dinner table.

The “T” in ART — troubleshoot together — begins with telling your perspective in a nonconfrontational way, while genuinely searching for shared solutions. With that effort, the exchange can end on a positive note.

That was a lot to take in, so I ended my talk with George Thompson’s “Five Universal Truths.” Thompson was the creator of a training program in tactical communication called “Verbal Judo.”

• All people want to be treated with dignity and respect.

• All people would rather be asked than told what to do.

• All people want to know why they are asked or told to do something.

• All people would rather have options than threats.

• All people want a second chance to make matters right.

These truths hold for everyone. So, if your summer plans include a visit to one of California’s beautiful parks, the employees will be grateful if you keep them in mind.

Your visit will be a walk in the park.

Dinkin is president of the National Conflict Resolution Center, a San Diego-based group working to create solutions to challenging issues, including intolerance and incivility. To learn about NCRC’s programming, visit ncrconline.com