South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem discusses the drug cartel presence in the state’s tribal lands during press conference on Friday, May 17, 2024, at the South Dakota State Capitol in Pierre, South Dakota.

“You can’t fire me, I quit!”

That’s essentially the message Kristi “Puppy Killer” Noem sent to ex-president Donald Trump the other day after she blew up her chances of being his VP pick in this November’s election.

In case you need a refresher: South Dakota’s gay-hating governor had been auditioning to be Trump’s #2 for the better part of a year before she released her memoir, No Going Back, last month in which she wrote in graphic detail about the time she shot a 14-month-old puppy in a gravel pit because it was “less than worthless” and she “hated” it.

(She also lied about meeting North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un, but it was the dead puppy people were most upset about.)

The shocking confession horrified pretty much everyone–Democrats and Republicans alike–and basically got Noem’s name scratched off Trump’s VP shortlist for good.

“She was already unlikely to be picked as VP but had a shot,” a Trump insider told the New York Post shortly after the story broke. “After this, it’s just impossible.”

“Trump isn’t a dog person necessarily, but I think he understands that you can’t choose a puppy killer as your pick, for blatantly obvious reasons.”

Speaking to CNN over the weekend, Noem now says she “doesn’t care” about becoming the country’s next vice president after the fallout from the publication of No Going Back. She’s perfectly happy in South Dakota, thank you very much!

“I’ve told President Trump over and over again he needs to pick whoever helps him win,” she told Dana Bash when asked about losing the veepstakes. “I have been loyal to him since the very beginning when he first started to run in 2016. He told me his priority is picking a running mate that can govern on day one, that has been loyal to him.”

She added, “I don’t care. I love my job in South Dakota. I care about the fact that I want him to win and he knows that I will do that.”

But, like any good politician, she still kept the door a wee bit open should Trump, who flip-flops on just about everything, have a change of heart.

Noem went on to brag that she still talks to Trump multiple times a day and she’s “proud” of him for doing a “great and fantastic” job campaigning for president.

Awkwardly, at the same time she said this, the 77-year-old convicted felon was going off script at a rally in Nevada, bitching about the heat and making some truly bizarre comments about electric boats and being attacked by sharks, and drawing widespread ridicule.

Since assuming office in 2019, Noem has used her position to appeal to the MAGA base by ensuring LGBTQ+ people are as marginalized as possible.

In addition to banning gender-affirming care, she’s banned drag shows and created a “whistleblower hotline” that encourages the public to report “woke” things happening at state colleges and universities.

With her chances of ever being VP officially shot and her second term as governor up in January 2027, it’s unclear what, if any, political future Noem has after the whole puppy killing fiasco.

Kristi, if you’re reading, we hear there’s a dental office in Texas that might be looking for a permanent spokesperson.

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