After months of tireless research and many sleepless nights, former ANTM judge Janice Dickinson concludes that Tyra Banks is, in fact, a total heffer who deserves to be slaughtered for the greater good.

Meanwhile, Jennifer Lover Hewitt’s “healthy” figure saved her less newsworthy life.

[Note: The Internet gods keep taking the video, so we’re sending you elsewhere for the nasty goods.]

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