Why You Gave that Awful Present

We’ve all suffered through that awkward silence at least once, the one that comes right after someone opens the holiday gift you’ve selected for them that’s somehow not quite right. It’s usually followed by a forced squeal of delight or an overly broad, stiff smile and a “thank you” tinged with a touch of confusion.

How could this have happened, you wonder? You’re usually such a thoughtful gift-giver. It’s not that you don’t like the recipient, you weren’t trying to make a statement or cheap out, which are some of the more disturbingly psychological reasons behind terrible gifts. You meant well, but even the most seasoned, well-intentioned shoppers make mistakes. After talking with scores of gift recipients, five reasons surfaced repeatedly.

So that you can avoid that confusion this year, here are the top five reasons behind regrettable gifts.

1. The “This Will Make a Nice Gift” Gift

Leslie purchased three elegant carving sets (the kind you use to carve a roast or turkey) at an online auction that she thought, “would make nice gifts.” “They were like 80% off and I guess I wasn’t thinking about who exactly they would make nice gifts for because everyone I gave them to seemed confused. In retrospect they were right. I wasn’t thinking about the person I’d be giving them to, just that they were beautiful - and that I could give an expensive sort of gift for not much money.” If you find yourself considering a purchase but you don’t have a recipient in mind, think about Leslie and then think again about making that purchase.

2. The “How Old is He, Again?” Gift

Many people see relatives only during the holidays and sometimes more infrequently than that. In our minds, sometimes we see people as who they were the last time we saw them. Which is Maryanne’s explanation for why she gave her 14 year-old step-niece sparkly barrettes and a butterfly wand for Christmas last year. “I was shocked when I saw her, she was so grown up all of a sudden! Needless to say, she hated the little girl gifts.” Maryanne’s mistake can be made not just because of age-related snafus, but also by failing to notice changes in life stages, looks and hobbies. Joe’s been retired for years but says he still gets a tie every year from one of his sons. “I’ve got a closet full of ties and it no place to wear them,” says Joe.

3. The “All Hat, No Cattle” Gift (and Vice Versa)

Wrapping makes a statement. Janine used an old Tiffany box to hold an ornament she’d purchased for her sister. “You should have seen her face, actually both of them. The one she had when she saw the Tiffany box - all excited. And then the one she had when she opened the box - not good.” I think she would have liked the ornament a lot more if she hadn’t thought it was going to be something else. On the other hand, Ray slipped a diamond ring in the bowl of a mixer, wrapped the whole thing up and gave it to his wife for Christmas. “She was so mad about that mixer, she’d told me not to get her any more cooking equipment, and then she was embarrassed about getting mad when she saw the ring. I don’t know what I was thinking, it really wasn’t the joyful opening I’d hoped it would be.” The solution isn’t to skip the wrapping and creativity, it’s to be aware of managing expectations to maximize the pleasure of the gift.

4. The “Procrastinator’s Special” Gift

Procrastinators usually do so for one of two reasons: they’re mulling and it’s taking a while; or they are really unclear on what to do, where to go and how to pick so they drag their feet knowing that if they make a mistake they can blame it on time constraints. Procrastinators often make inspired choices - but the odds are against them. This year that will be particularly true because there are only 26 days between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Pamela is married to a procrastinator. “My husband got me really fabulous shoes, but in the wrong size with a note saying that I should exchange them for the right size. When I tried to exchange them were sold out, which was also the case when he bought them - probably on Christmas Eve.” The procrastinator’s weapon is distraction, if you’re a procrastinator think twice about distractions and know your suffering will be compounded if you wait.

5. The “The Impulsively Purchased Extravagance” Gift

When do we purchase impulsively? When we’re wowed. Today that “wow” is more likely to come because of a special price than a special product. Shoppers can easily get blindsided by a tempting price and the idea that they’ll be able to give an extravagant gift that’s still within their budget. That’s how Megan ended up giving her mother a dry clean only cashmere robe for Christmas last year. “It was elegant and even though it was almost twice as expensive as the plush robe she’d asked for I was thrilled to give it to her. Until I saw her face. She had this “did I raise a crazy daughter?” look on her face and in that instant I realized what a mistake I’d made. Unfortunately, I got it at an outlet mall. I couldn’t return it so it lives on to remind me to stick with the list.”

Which is good advice for everyone.