Beliefs vs. Reality: How to Weaken Your Alcohol Craving

"Anything liquid won’t make me gain weight."

This absurd belief has led me to replace many meals with alcohol, thinking it’s a savvy way to cut calories. Little did I know that alcohol packs a punch with seven calories per gram, almost as much as fat. This realization is just the beginning of my questioning other beliefs I held about alcohol and the benefits I perceived it offers.

Today, into the fourth year of my sobriety and working as a sober, curious guide, I am still sometimes struck by how stark the gap between our beliefs and reality can be when it comes to alcohol. However, the good news is that within that gap also lies the key to weakening our desire to drink.

Belief Doesn’t Equal Reality

Before we go further, let’s first discuss the difference between belief and reality. Most people don’t realize that what they perceive as reality is actually just a set of beliefs. The true reality of how the world operates is too massive for our human minds to comprehend. Therefore, we form sets of beliefs to interpret the reality around us based on our personal experiences, observations, and what is relevant to our needs.

It's like the old story with the blind men and the elephant. In this story, each blind man touches a different part of the elephant and draws his conclusion about what the elephant is like. One thinks it's like a wall, another like a snake, and another like a tree trunk, based on the part they touched. Like the blind men and the elephant, we only get a piece of reality that is just a perception. While these perceptions can lead us astray from the actual reality, they can also be changed over time based on the new information that we take in.

As a Roman emperor and philosopher, Marcus Aurelius says, "Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth." At first glance, this idea may seem threatening. But if you allow it to sink in, you may also discover the great freedom within—when you have the power to shape your perception, you can shape your experience. To get a deeper understanding of how it works, let’s look at Dave Gray’s pyramid of belief.

Belief Shapes Perception and Guides Action

According to Gray, instead of standing on the ground of reality, we actually stand on the ground of beliefs. Beneath beliefs are conclusions, assumptions, what’s relevant to one’s needs, and our experiences and observations about reality. Let's break down an example to see how this pyramid works in real life.

Take my old belief that "anything liquid won’t make me gain weight" as an example. My belief came from the observation of people drinking smoothies for weight loss and the experience of losing water weight after a heavy drinking session. As maintaining an ideal body weight was relevant to me, I captured the information and formed an assumption that liquids equal weight loss. The assumption led to the conclusion that drinking alcohol wouldn’t make me gain weight.

Despite the reality that alcohol contains nearly as many calories per gram as fat and contributes to weight gain, my belief shaped my action: I’d skip meals in favor of drinking to lose weight. This is just one way in which my beliefs about alcohol have misled my drinking habit, and sadly, it was not the only false belief.

Alcohol and Misguided Beliefs

When it comes to alcohol, the misguided beliefs are copious. These beliefs are reinforced by the media’s portrayal of alcohol, societal norms around drinking, and alcohol’s addictive nature. Growing up in a culture that glamorizes drinking, few of us get to form our beliefs about alcohol based on its true nature. Yet, our misguided beliefs shape our perceptions, and our perceptions fuel our desires.

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Just to name a couple more ill-advised beliefs, here are two commonly-held ones: "Alcohol helps us relax" and "Alcohol helps us sleep better." The first one often starts with the observation of friends unwinding with a drink and the experience of feeling less stressed after consuming alcohol. At the same time, the latter often arises from the experience of falling asleep quickly after a drink. However, the reality is that alcohol can increase anxiety and disrupt healthy coping mechanisms. Despite initial drowsiness, alcohol interferes with rapid eye movement (REM) sleep and leads to fragmented, less restorative sleep.

Key to Weakening the Craving

As Annie Grace, the author of This Naked Mind, brilliantly puts it, "When there is no perceived benefit, there is no desire." By reshaping our beliefs about alcohol, we have the power to weaken our cravings. My favorite free tool is the 30 Reasons Why People Drink checklist. It's the perfect starting point to help you uncover your hidden beliefs about alcohol and take the first step to weakening your craving.