Games, Cupcakes and Love: How to Bond With Those You Love

This Valentine’s Day I’m challenging us to play the “I love you because…” game with someone we care about. Here’s what happened when 7-year old son Olliver and I played the other day:

“Mama, I love you because…I love you!”

“Olliver, I love you because…you’re amazing!”

“Mama, I love you because…you’re cute!”

“Olliver, I love you because…you’re fun!”

“Mama, I love you because…you basically get me what I want!”

“Olliver, I love you because…you care about others!”

“Mama, I love you because…you let me do some fun things. P.S. Hanging out with you!”

“Olliver, I love you because…you have such great things to say!”

“Mama, I love you because…you’ve been the best mom that I ever wanted!”

Playing our game reminded me how important it is to let our loved ones know how much we care about them. There’s something about our shared humanity that unfolds through the simple utterance of telling someone how we feel about them.

Despite this shared generosity, the day-to-day reality for many of us is that it can be difficult to make time for connection. We have good intentions and even a plan, but life interferes with following through. Again!

It’s easy to get into our routines and manage our schedules in such a way that our days become constricted, a step-by-step process of expectations that’s hard to break away from. We lose sight of moving out of those lines because they define our boundaries in such a specific way.

I’m reminded of the calls I’ve been meaning to make to my mom’s 94 year old cousin and a mentor who’s recovering from an illness.

Guilt sets in.

And guilt is powerful. It sits with us, getting in the way of not reaching out. We start to move forward, to approach contact, but guilt reminds us we’ve waited too long. It’ll be awkward to say hello after so much time has passed. How would we explain the absence? What excuse can we really give?

We retreat into a guilt-ridden stepping back stance. “We’ll call another day,” we tell ourselves, like a batter we continue to stir that never gets cooked.

This Valentine’s Day I urge us to push forward because the reality is, it’s probably never too late to reach out to say: “I love you,” “I miss you” “I care about you.”

Recently a dear friend invited a group of us for a weekend getaway to celebrate her birthday. I’m not gonna lie, getting everything in order was an enormous task with unexpected last minute hurdles: the sitter couldn’t help out; an unexpected work assignment emerged. Up all night, with only three hours of sleep, we got to the airport at 7 am in ample time for the flight.

But once on our way, I wondered why we hadn’t done something like this earlier. In being out of the day-to-day, I felt my body and my being settle into a grounded-ness. Like batter oozing into the corners of a cupcake container, taking space for the dough to breathe.

“Inhale.”

“Exhale”

“Stir the batter.”

“Lick the spoon.”

From this doughy foundation comes a replenishment, a connecting with self that gives rise to a sweetened ability to re-connect with old friends and form bonds with new ones. By just showing up, we communicate how comfortable and meaningful these friendships are.

I learned something important during that weekend getaway. Something I hope I don’t forget as our boundary-filled lives kick in upon return:

Sometimes we need to get out of our daily lives to get back into ourselves.

And our replenishment gives renewed energy to reach out to others, something we can do by making Shirley Temple Cupcakes for Valentine's Day!

We wanted to celebrate Valentine's with a cupcake, but felt if we just added one ingredient to a basic cupcake, the flavor would be somewhat dull. So we thought, how nice to pay tribute to our 7-year old son's favorite drink, a Shirley Temple, in cupcake form with lemon, lime, maraschino cherries, and a yummy cream cheese frosting. Oh, and they’re pink!

INGREDIENTS

The Cake Ingredients

1 ¾ cup all-purpose flour
¾ cup granulated sugar
1 ½ teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
⅔ cup sweet butter (melted)
2 whole eggs (room temperature)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Zest of 2 lemons
Zest of 2 limes
⅓ cup sour cream
⅓ cup whole milk
⅓ cup grenadine
16 maraschino cherries cut in half

The Frosting Ingredients

½ cup sweet butter (room temperature)
8 oz cream cheese
⅛ teaspoon salt
3 ½ cups confectioner’s sugar
3 tablespoons grenadine
1 tablespoon maraschino cherry syrup

MAKES 16 cupcakes

DIRECTIONS

Cake Directions
Preheat the oven to 350°F and place cupcake liners in a cupcake pan.

Sift all the dry ingredients into a bowl and mix together. In a separate large bowl, combine the butter, eggs, vanilla extract, lemon and lime zest, sour cream, milk and grenadine, and give them a good whisk.

Add half the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and give them a good mix as well. Then add the rest of the dry ingredients and gently mix until all the ingredients are combined. Do not over mix as this could make the cupcakes firm.

Distribute the batter equally into the cupcake liners (about 2/3s full) and then place half a cherry in the center of each cupcake. Cook your cupcakes in the oven for about 16 to 18 minutes, the center of the cupcake should be springy, not wet or soggy. Remove your cupcakes from the oven and allow them to cool completely before frosting.

Frosting Directions

Place the cream cheese, butter, and salt in the bowl of an electric tabletop mixer. Using the flat beater attachment, beat the ingredients together until they become smooth.

Incorporate the grenadine and maraschino syrup and then slowly add the confectioner’s sugar until all the ingredients are combined. Either pipe on or use a spoon to top your cupcake with the frosting and finish your cupcake creations with another half maraschino cherry.

For this Valentine’s I encourage us to grab two cupcakes, one for you, one for your loved one.

And as we bite into the doughy pink we can say, “I love you because, I just love you!”